Celebration of My ExHIStence

Happy First Birthday Gavin

2009-03-21T12:20:00.000-07:00

Yesterday my nephew turns one. It’s his first year milestone! I was lucky enough to get to spend some time with him last weekend. From the time Amy got him out of the car on Friday till Sunday when I said goodbye to him he was smiling. He’s such a happy child. Hopefully I will be able to make it home soon. I love time with my family! I think back to a year ago, where I was in my life, and Gavin just starting the journey of his life. I sat and stared at him for hours last year. Filling myself with the wonder of life and thanking God for such a blessing in my brother and Amy’s life, in all of our lives. I’m still very thankful for that blessing. God can use you at any age, I guess. babies sure bring happiness to mine when I see them, especially my niece and nephews. The each have filled my life with joy I can not exactly explain in words although I try many times. Today is also my friend Phyllis’s birthday, she turns 60, just a few years older than Gavin. Something about her eyes have always reminded me of my niece and nephews eyes, they all have the most beautiful blue eyes. My pepa had really blue eyes like this. Phyllis has a beautiful giving spirit, she always has a hug to share, and a kiss as well. She has something bright shining in her soul, just like the light of baby to me. In writing this entry, my mind wanders to the different ages of life. One second I’m thinking of my nephew turning one, then the next I’m thinking of different ages. I even think about Ms. Beaulah and her birthday’s, 90 something birthdays. I think of all those little men and women I see in Taylor Nursing Home that I see, all of them raised their families and retired from their careers. Now they can no longer live on their own, so they are at a nursing home, sort of a last stop before Heaven. I watch in the halls because I have to actually pass at least 4 different hallways before I come to Ms. Beaulah’s, I watch their interactions, some seem to enjoy each other’s company, some seem ill, I remember my friend Wendy trying to open the door for one little lady. We sat and talked to her for a while. I see flirting sometimes between some of the old timers, flirting wasn’t something I thought I would see. Actually they have one hall that has the wall full of pictures of the women there back when they were in their 20’s. I look for Ms. Beaulah on the wall, but can’t even imagine her in her 20’s. I find myself looking at one woman who looks like a movie star back in the early 30’s or something. So many life’s lived. Sometimes Ms. Beaulah is not happy when I visit her, today she was sad. She said something my Mema said to me once, she questioned why God was so slow in taking her to Heaven. Mema was ready to go after Papa passed away. I guess in ways today I find myself deep in thought, I’m young compared to Ms. Beaulah, I’m old compared to Gavin. I have my good days and bad days just like those people in Taylor Nursing Home. Some days even I struggle with feeling of usefulness. I guess today’s lesson for me is we’re never too old. God uses us all no matter what age, if we are willing.
My mind is full today, my heart is with Gavin even if I’m not there in person. Wishing you Gavin a very happy first birthday. I love you very much, my birthday wish for you to continue to bring much happiness to other hearts as you have mine!

New Year

2009-01-20T15:18:00.000-08:00

I can't believe it's been so long since I've written in here, seems I just don't make the time for it like I once did. A new year has come and gone. Life is good, staying busy. The kids have gotten big, here's some pictures of them from Christmas. They just keep getting bigger. I bought a new car 2 weeks ago. Nisson Altima. I need to get out there and take some pictures of it. Today although I havn't been feeling well, has been a exciting day watching all the Inauguaral events on television. It was awesome watching and experiencing history today. Change that is a coming. I can't believe how much the kids have grown in such a short time. Well as I said been a bit under the weather but hope to start back blogging more. We'll see!

“Starting today, we must pick ourselves up, dust ourselves off and begin again the work of remaking America”
-President Barack Obama, January 20th, 2009

Happy Birthday Eli and Ethan

2008-08-25T12:20:00.000-07:00

Happy Birthday Eli and Ethan

Six years old, and four years old well – that’s amazing!

Six and four years ago you two happened, and we happened.
Two little golden haired boys
Six and four and such great guys, such great brothers
Full of smiles and laughter
And I have to wonder why
Why are we so blessed?

I love you two so, little Eli and Ethan
You two are so, so cool
And so easy too love – so smart, so into your own world and ready to share it
Maybe I havn't been there enough for that. I sure wish I was

But I was so blessed to spend vacation with you this year,
I wish I had been there for your birthdays.

Wonderful, fantasticAnd Splendid
You two are quite different – and noticeably so
But you guys are brothers and take care of each other I know

Well, now you are six – and four – So on this day I give you this poem

I think your great
You two are tops in my book! So I will not hesitate
You’ve both grown so, Eli you don't sit in my lap like you used too,
but I still see how much you love me.
I want you to know that I love you all of the time.
Years ago you played with your Teddy, now your a big boy, reading and starting first grade.

Ethan, little hoss, you have embarked
On a little adventure
To learn... too grow, can’t believe your in pre-K
Its rainy here today, stormy, and I'm getting sleepy for bed, and I wonder is your mommie getting the two of you all tucked in your beds. Knowing you will wake and be ready for your hot chocolate.

I wonder each year will your mommy and daddy miss this age – each have been special ones
Full of giggles and fun for their son’s.
And as I get prepared for a night of good sleep
And sweet dreams – though it seems
Your so far from me! But always in my dreams you will be

I read, and I tickle, and you’ll talk for awhile
And I understand a bit of what you are thinking
just when you smile
And I think – if I can ever find a prayer to adequately thank God
for you two, I’d better be praying it!

I love you Eli and Ethan– I love to watch you grow
To see you becoming boys – great little guys
swimming in the pool, diving with your diving mask, running to and fro
Laughing loudly, Giving mommy and daddy a hug and a kiss
Or getting rough and rowdy with each other
Playing and singing or playing the drums
and just being the wonderful You’s the two of you that God has made!
I may not see you each day but yes,
I am so proud of you two,
for all of your ways

And my prayer is that through all your fun-filled days
God will keep you both and protect you,
And hold you close to His side
And with His strong hand to be ya’lls Guide
That you will learn to know Him and love HimAnd in Him abide!
Your mommie and daddy,and all of us – are trusting our Lord to show us the way
To be good to our Eli and Ethan day after dayWe love you so much, little guys – you two are the best!You guys in our life we are happy and blessed
Happy birthday, little friend, my nephews
Happy Birthday dear Eli dear Ethan

We sure do love you!
We use the word wonderful
so much, but sometimes,
it does not mean what itshould.
Wonderful Eli,Wonderful Ethan
You light up my life,just being part of it.
You are very Wonderful nephews!

I love you guys
Uncle Derek

Wendy

2008-04-18T09:50:00.000-07:00

Gavin Ryder

2008-03-26T18:29:00.000-07:00

It's been quite a while since I posted. I look at my last post wishing my brother Happy Birthday, today I'm happy to say this past week Gavin Ryder was born, he and Amy's first son. Autumn has a little brother now. I can't tell you how happy this makes me. I'm busy packing, I'm moving next week, for right now I'm pooped. I'll write more later. Here's my handsome little nephew.

Happy Birthday Lance

2007-11-01T06:54:00.000-07:00

Well as much as I was hoping I was going to have a new brother or sister born on Halloween, it didn't happen. But I did get my wish on a new brother. When Lance was born, I looked so forward to sharing all of life's little adventures. As I've said in some old entries, I prayed for a little brother from the time I found out my mom was having a baby. He came into this world and was so loved by us all. I think we all loved having his attention. I wanted him by my side, I wanted to show him things. He always had a light in his eyes burning. Always with love. I can't remember anything other than that, it shines naturally in him. Autumn, Eli, and Ethan are the same way. There are many treasured memories I hold dear and so much laughter. Seems the world we live in is so busy. Seems time is just going by quicker and quicker, even though he still seem really young to me. Man twenty eight today. He's the best bro anyone could have.

They say the best comes last, well 12 years after I was born, one of the best additions to our family was born. Finally a brother. Wish I still had all those letters I used to write to God, all the promises, if only I could have a brother. I prayed "Let me have a healthy brother or sister, but please let it be a brother." Well my prayers were answered. I remember Lance was sick with yellow jaundice when he was born. He had to lay under a lamp with little baby sunglasses. it disappeared and he finally got to come home to us. I remember the first time he smiled at me. We all loved him so much. He's always been such a sport and smart as a whip. I only got six years at home with him. I always wished I'd had more. He was a little karate expert, I remember taking him to karate and picking him up so many times. I'd have these little adventures with him and act like we were going to another place while driving home, he'd say Hawaii, then when we're almost home he'd get scared and cry and say he really wanted to go home. He's always been a very loving person, now he's a man, and I still think of him as that baby brother. He's got this wit that everyone loves, and he makes me laugh. He was a great baseball player. Well I've told you about my memories of my brother today, on his birthday. Now we're all grown, have I mentioned I’m going to be an uncle again, next year he and Amy will be having a little boy. This will be the first nephew that has my last name. He’ll be the fourth grandchild, just like ole Lance was the fourth child. I was the fourth grandchild in my dad’s family. I can’t wait to be an uncle again. He’s a great dad, can’t wait to see him with a little boy. I wrote this poem last year on his birthday so thought I’d put it in this entry as well.

Brothers
Lance and Derek, brothers by blood
Thoughts of yesterday continue to flood
Two children fast at play, I grew older and went away
That was the past, and the memories last
Because in our dreams and in life, time goes so fast
Or can time stand still,
where we can look at thoughts of past, present, future at will
Tomorrow will come and we will be still
With unmeasurable amounts of love to be shared
Although we don’t always say it we both know, (that we have no hair)
For now we have our dreams and thoughts, our should and our oughts
Our father and mother, our sisters we love.
I only know of being Uncle, you know Father and Uncle.
But… we are brothers
We are brothers by bloodAnd my love does flood.

Happy Birthday my brother!

Happy Birthday Mama

2007-09-24T12:48:00.000-07:00

I wanted to go back and look at old entries I wrote on my mom's birthday, she asked me to write about a happy memory of my childhood for her birthday, so I'm practicing on here what I'll write. I write about our heavenly father a bunch on here, today on her birthday I will write about my Mother. She was my connection to life, through her I learned about love, and my heavenly Father, she is the foundation that has steadied me, the comfort I've always carried with me, the warmth I go to again and again. I love her for always wanting what is best for me, and teaching me that life is still beautiful even when it isn't easy. She has been a good example for me all these almost 40 years of my life. She has devoted so much, well all of it to us, her children, mothering us, wisely and unselfishly, and I just want her to know that I love her with all of my heart. As long as I can remember we used these words I love you a lot. They were not words she heard from her mother a lot, but she always knew Nana loved her. But with us it was different, she told us always, every day without fail. So at a young age I started saying I love you. When I was a child, I got to say it more often to her, running out the door, catching the bus.... love you Mama, trudging off to bed, love you Mama. She was the best thing in my little world. She would tuck me into bed at night and say my prayers, and wish me sweet dreams. Those are the happiest moments for me, were those moments of love. I'm a lot older now and not there in Ocilla to say as many "Love yous" as I should, but I'm more aware than ever of her gentle influence over my life. Now I understand the kind of love that waited for us to come in late at night... the kind of devotion that holds a trembling hand and cools a fevered brow. The "love you" I offer today understands the sacrafices she made for us. I didn't always know that, it seems with age, there is always a new appreciation. I apologize for the times I caused her worry or concern. Which were many, and I didn't even give it a second thought. I know that no matter where I am, no matter how grown up I think I am, she'll always be my mama, and I'll always be her child, and every time I think of her, I'm always saying I love you, just like she always said to us and still says to this day. So mama, I'm not sure this is what you expected. I could of told stories of the first time I bought you a present at that little place where I went to Kindergarten, and how happy you made me feel when I gave it too you, your smile always made me the happiest of anything I can remember. So today on your birthday I celebrate you, a woman who I see as independent as Nana was, yet sensitive to the needs of others, who's always been strong of her convictions, and who accepts the things she cannot change, I want to be more like her when it comes to that. She has always done that with wisdom and grace. Today I celebrate my mom who's honest and straightforward who's always willing to listen and never pretends to have all the answers. She's always had a calming influence on me. I have many friends that say their mom's aggravate them. Not my mama, she shares kindness with all who meet her. When comfort is called for that gentle smile comes when it is needed most. She has a new smile, well she has for the last few years because of braces. It's a beautiful smile now, but it's always been beautiful to me. Thank you mama for the gift for caring, thank you for brightening any day by just being you! Happy Birthday from the one you love best. I also wanted to wish a happy birthday to another beautiful lady must be something special about that day that produces special women and that's Tammy over at http://mylifeasawarrior.blogspot.com/

Light the Night Walk

2007-09-21T06:26:00.001-07:00

I’ve been talking about darkness and light lately, so I thought I’d write today about a cause that is dear to my heart. I’m doing the Light the Night Walk next week, I’ve only raised $100 so far, my goal is only $300. I don’t usually put stuff like this on my blog, but it is a part of me so I’ve decided too, I should have done it sooner, but I thought I’d be able to raise it in time. In darkness I find light once again. We all know someone with cancer, I’m walking this for those I have lost, and for those I have in my life that are fighting it today. My first and only still best friend was in 8th grade, David, I’ve written about him a good bit, we’re still best friends to this day. His girlfriend and later fiancé had leukemia, she fought a strong battle. She went into remission. David and her got engaged. But with a few years it came back, she still fought like a soldier, but the second time Margaret lost the fight. It amazes me that every 5 minutes someone is diagnosed with cancer, and every 10 minutes someone loses the fight. My friend and cowork Cyndi also just went through this fight, a long one, but is in remission now and doing wonderful. She inspired me to do this walk for all. My dad is going through a type of chemo now, and so is my friend Brett. No one that reads this has to give, but your support means a lot to me. You don’t even have to give, but if you’d just put up a link in an entry if you know someone or have lost someone or anything that you could think of to help, or join your local chapter in your city. I plan on taking lots of pictures of the balloons rising. My personal webpage is http://www.active.com/donate/ltnJackso/2220_deveal Thanks for your support in the past, present, and the future.

Ethan's birthday

2007-08-26T05:49:00.001-07:00

Yesterday was Ethan's birthday he turned 3, we had a double birthday party for Eli and Ethan while we were in Daytona. Ethan kept telling me, I'm getting big. He's so funny, Sherry asked him who he loved best, Uncle Derek or Aunt Sherry and he'd run over and sit on my lap and say Uncle Derek. You should have seen them with the trick birthday candles, they blew and they blew but they couldn't get them out.

Eli's Fifth Birthday in Daytona Beach

2007-08-23T19:09:00.000-07:00

Yep Spider man turned 5 this week in Daytona, we all had the best time. More later.

Headshots from the weekend

2007-08-05T06:52:00.000-07:00

This weekend, I got to work with a beautiful group of women to do some headshots for them. I really had fun, it was fun working with such different personalities, but all very professional. First time working with NFL cheerleaders. They all were very bright women, and quite beautiful as you can see.

Three growing like Trees

2007-08-02T10:46:00.001-07:00

I can't seem to get over how fast they are growing, just like the trees they like climbing.

Questions to Mom

2007-06-29T16:37:00.000-07:00

It's been a while since I did questions to mom so I thought I would do this again.
1. When you were a girl, what was your favorite music you liked to listen too, did you have any favorite singers? Or someone you just loved to listen too?

I LIKED ELVIS WHEN I WAS A TEENAGER. I DON'T REMEMBER LISTENING TO MUSIC WHEN I WAS A SMALL CHILD. I REMEMBER LISTENING TO THE SQUEAKING DOOR WITH MY GRANDMOTHER WHEN I WAS SMALL ON THE RADIO.
2. What was your first apartment or house like after you got married to daddy?

MY FIRST APARTMENT WAS IN TURKEY. IT WAS PRETTY BIG FOR TWO PEOPLE. IT WAS UPSTAIRS IN A BIG BUILDING. IT HAD TWO BEDROOMS, BIG LIVING ROOM, DINING ROOM COMBINED AND THE KITCHEN.
WHEN IT WAS COLD WEATHER, WE PRETTY MUCH HAD TO STAY IN ONE ROOM SINCE ALL WE HAD TO HEAT IT WITH WAS A LITTLE SPACE HEATER HEATED WITH KEROSENE.

ALL OF OUR FURNITURE WAS BOUGHT SECOND-HAND. THE MILITARY NON COMMISSIONED OFFICERS HAD TO PAY FOR ANY FURNITURE TO BE SHIPPED OVER THERE SO WHEN ANYONE SHIPPED OUT THEY WOULD PURCHASE FURNITURE FROM EACH OTHER.

I DYED SHEETS TO GO OVER THE WINDOW IN THE LIVING ROOM. I THINK THEY WERE YELLOW. WE HAD SMALL SHAGGY RUGS PLACED UNDER THE COFFEE TABLE IN THE LIVING ROOM. IT SEEMS AS IF THE COUCH WAS KIND OF BROWN.

THE CURTAINS IN OUR BEDROOM WERE WHITE PLASTIC AND WE HAD A CHENELLE BEDSPREAD ON THE BED.

IT WASN'T THE NICEST PLACE WE EVER LIVED BUT IT WAS HOME AND WE WERE HAPPY THERE.

OUR APARTMENT HAD A LITTLE BALCONY ON THE OUTSIDE OF IT AND THAT IS WHERE I WOULD USUALLY WAIT FOR YOUR DADDY TO COME HOME FROM WORK IN THE AFTERNOON. THAT WAS WHERE WE STORED THE WOOD TO MAKE A FIRE UNDER THE HOT WATER HEATER TO WARM OUR WATER UP FOR TAKING A BATH.

3. Did you celebrate the 4th of July when you were a little girl, can you remember the first time you saw fireworks?

WE DID CELEBRATE THE 4TH OF JULY WHEN I WAS A SMALL CHILD. SOMETIMES WE WOULD COME TO TOWN WHEN THEY HAD THE FIREWORKS. AT THAT TIME, THERE WAS A SWIMMING POOL LOCATED AT THE PARK. SOMETIMES WE WOULD GO THERE.

SOME OF OUR FRIENDS AND NEIGHBORS WOULD BRING SPARKLERS AND FIRECRACKERS OVER FOR US TO ENJOY. I WAS ALWAYS SCARED OF THEM.

4. Did you ever disobery your mother?

We did not fuss. She was real clear about what she expected out of me when I was a child and I followed her instructions real clearly cause I didn't want to cross her.

About the only time I can remember going behind her back was before I started dating and I double-dated with Betty Sue Smith and her boyfriend on Sunday afternoon. She fixed me up with one of her boyfriend's friends. I think his name was Larry Dismuke. By the time I got home, somehow she already knew so they started letting me date on Sunday afternoon. I was in the 11th grade.

5. If Nana could come back for a day and you could spend one day with her what would you do?

If I could spend one more day with her I would tell her how much I appreciate all she did for me and what she meant to me. I would also ask her a lot of questions about her life. I don't think she would answer though. There was a lot about her she kep silent about.

The photo was done by my blogger buddy Will, he took a picture I had taken of my mom and combined it with one of his creations called Scintillation to make my mom art. He had written me I have a soft spot in my heart for all the for mothers fo this world, and your mother radiates beauty in this photograph. He answered one of my questions “What do you think, what is your focus today, regardless of your feelings? Is it of gratitude?”. I will answer your question: “Yes…I am grateful every day for everything and for every blessing that comes my way, and I become more grateful with each passing day of life”. Two of the songs coming up in about 6 or 7 bowls of Saturday Soup are titled “Be Grateful” and “Gratitude”. More on Will tomorrow, just wanted to give him a big thanks for making my mom art! I always thought she was art anyway.

We had visitors last night

2007-06-21T07:03:00.001-07:00

Still here

2007-06-20T09:31:00.000-07:00

I havn't written in quite a while, things are going good, my back went out back on May 14, just got back to work on June 12, had been in a lot of pain in between. Was having a good bit even before it went out, but things are doing better and the pain is gone, thank the Lord, anyway, I'll try and catch up later, these are some pictures from Mother's Day Weekend right before my back went out.

Happy Birthday Autumn

2007-03-30T08:36:00.000-07:00

Her birthday was Tuesday, I sent her first digital camera. So maybe she'll love photography as much as me.

Happy Birthday Autumn
It is your birthday and on this day, I want you to know that you are a very special niece who has touched and warmed all of our lives, including mine. I just want you to know how much I appreciate you. I hope you celebrated the beauty of your funfilled spirit, embraced the dreams of your heart, acknowledged the great joy you bring to the world, and most of all realize just how much your life means to those around you.

I love you
Happy Birthday

Gate River Run

2007-03-11T17:18:00.000-07:00

My brother and I ran the Gate River run this weekend, it was awesome. The morning yesterday started off with my jittery nerves. I got up at 6:00 went by the hotel, picked up my brother, and we took off walking a little over a mile to the starting line. It was overwhelming 15000 runner with as many spectators as runner, I had to hit the porto potty, from nerves, but the line was 400 people long so I never made it, well actually I did in the bushes right in front of the Jaguars stadium while about 20 people walked by, and I thought I was pee shy. We ran got in line, got a 10 minute stretch in, and the gun went off. Right as we passed the starting line, a woman hits my ipod on my arm and it’s on the ground, my stupid ass turns around and leans down to pick it up, and my brother is screaming, your going to be trampled, as my ipod hops from foot to foot, somehow by the mercy of God, it bounced up in my hands, I turned around and my brother is laughing his ass off at me. I wasn’t even thinking, I really could have been trampled it was crazy. So we start on our run, ipod is back on arm. We talk and laugh, and he makes it the first mile, keeping right up with me, I’m going pretty slow. Right after 1 miles we see my mom, and sister right as we are about to jog onto the Main Street Bridge, the big blue one. My sister has problems with the camera so about 1000 people pass us in the meantime cause I want at least one shot of me running. I finally have to go over to her and show her how to turn on the camera. But the picture still turns out fuzzy, anyway we keep going, and I notice my brother’s shorts are about to fall off and he’s showing crack, and I notice a photographer, and I tell him to get in front and get our picture taken, I think about pulling his shorts down but decide not to embarrass him to death. We go on, and I tell him I was thinking about pulling them down, and he laughs, about 2 mile marker my bladder hits again, I have to pee in a construction site, and Lance says he’s heading back that 2 is all he can do all red faced, so I tell him I love him and run on. But he actually has a change of heart and tells himself he can do it. And takes off running again, little to my knowledge. I thought he had headed back. The run continues for me, I get angry at a few mile markers because they had run out of water already, and I really need my water. Luckily the next mile has it. I enjoy the scenic side of San Marco and the river, and all the rows of Doctor’s houses on the river. I enjoy the little ladies sitting in their front yards rooting us on. I start getting that adrenaline flowing at different times. When I see a familiar face in the crowd, or some stranger puts their hand out for me to clap. I get in the zone. By mile 6, I’m burning up, but luckily my friend Drew and Tom live at mile 6 and they were outside rooting me on, and taking pictures, then I get hit by a waterhose that cools me down, and feels so good. Miles 7 and 8 just seem to flow by. Mile 8 is the uphill of the Hart Bridge, I know if I can go over it I will make it, at the top of the bridge I notice someone laying on the side passed out, with blood and 5 medics working on them, then a firetruck and ambulance is on the way. Wow, I turn to get a view of the city from atop the bridge, I know I’m going to make it, in my head chanting, thank you God, thank you Jesus. I pick up my pace, really kicking it my last mile, thinking mama, and Sherry, and Lance, and Autumn are at the finish line. I’m passing everyone. Then I go through the finish line, and as I pass, I slow, then I walk to the side, and that’s when it got ugly, I hurled. I really pushed it that last mile. The medic got me to sit down, got me water, and I told him I was fine. I was drinking these energy gel’s the whole way and that was all I had on my stomach so it wasn’t too bad. But my family wasn’t at the finish line. Lance actually ran the entire race, finishing a few minutes after me. It was so funny! I was excited for him, because it really is an accomplishment. More on the day later, got to go pick them up for church.

Asher and Jacob

2007-02-26T19:47:00.000-08:00

These two are sure growing fast! I'm sure missing my family.

Big brother Aaron, and his little brother and sister

2007-02-18T08:34:00.000-08:00

I went and saw the little twins yesterday. I got to hold little Caitlyn and feed her bottle and burp her. Aaron just watched and smiled. He looks curious. He really has grown so much in the past year. I look at these pictures of him and realize how much he has grown.

Sleeping Beauties

2007-02-13T09:52:00.000-08:00

I've been writing about them coming, now they are finally here, I can't get over how much they look like Aaron did when he was born. They really look like little angels.

Beautiful TWINS

2007-02-08T16:14:00.000-08:00

Little Ryan Christopher and Caitlyn Renee were born today, I actually got to ride the elevator up with them to the nursery, they are so beautiful! God Bless them, Aaron is going to be a great big brother can't wait to see what he thinks of his new little brother and sister.

Black Abby

2007-02-04T14:55:00.000-08:00

I took Abby to the groomers Saturday for her day of beauty, she smelled so good, she got a manicure and a pedicure too, doesn't she look happy, she's such a sweet little baby, although she's 12 actually. she's sure felt much better since she's been, and quite loving.

Thinking too much again

2007-01-28T11:37:00.000-08:00

The purpose of a man's heart are deep waters, but a man of understanding draws them out. Proverbs 20:5Lately it seems I've been doing some serious pondering. Life in general. Lessons, still learning them from day to day. "So I will always remind you of these things, even though you know them and are firmly established in the truth you now have" Powerful stuff huh. Yep from the bible, 2 Peter 1:12The question was once asked Who do you want to be-the critic in the stands or the man in the arena? I've been thinking about how I've been living lately. Thinking about what holds me back. Sometimes I think it's just me holding myself back. I don't want to be the critic and tell someone how they or what was done wrong. But I do find myself doing exactly that, with the person I'm supposed to be caring most for, the person that I'm supposed to be seeing the way God does. I want to be in the arena. I want a worthy cause. I want to believe in myself. I have talents that I need to dare to believe in and go after. Seems so many times I find distractions to keep me away from going after the things in life I know I need to strive for. I'm a thinker, sometimes I can't sleep for my head keeps going long after I lie down to rest. I want a stronger mind, I want a healthier body. It's all up to me. Maybe it's time for me to sit down and make a list. I also keep finding myself pulled in the past, sometimes I'm not even trying to go there, I'm pulled back by other's wanting to revisit my past. Even though I feel I've moved on with many things, I find myself right back where I once was, maybe a little differently, but still there. Life is amazing, I feel so happy and so blessed but at times I find myself in places I really don't care to be. Confusing entry now that I go back and read, maybe I need a nap. I havn't slept good since Wednesday night.

Memory from my prom

2007-01-25T14:04:00.000-08:00

When I was a senior in high school, the big prom finally came, I was very excited about it. But this entry is not about the prom, it’s of a memory on that day. I was all dressed up, white tux, and she was decked out with the beautiful dress. My little brother whom I guess was probably about 5 or 6 thought I was getting married, because they were taking pictures of us outside as he watched. So after he asked we just went with it and told him yes we were going to get married, his next question was can I have your room. I laughed and said sure. Well when I got home from prom, my mom surprised me saying I thought you went to get married? Lance moved into your bedroom so you don’t have a room anymore. Lance, never really having his own room, went from baby bed, to sleeping sometimes with Sherry and Dena, sometimes with me, to sleeping in a little twin bed they put in the dining room. I think he was a little upset when he found out I really didn’t get married, because I think he really wanted that room. Actually poor guy didn’t get his own room I guess to some time later. Dena got my room when she was in the 8th grade, when I went to college. I guess when Sherry went to college, he got his own room. It makes me think of my favorite comic strip when I was little, “Peanuts”, when Lucy had just broken the news to Linus that children cannot live at home forever, they grow up and move away. Then she said that when he left she would get his room. But Linus quickly reminded her that at some time she too would have to leave home. When this hit home with Lucy, she was shocked, but she quickly came up with a solution. She turned the TV up loud, crawled into her beanbag chair with a bowl of icecream, and refused to think about it.
Oh how Lucy I am, I love to avoid unpleasant circumstances. But it’s not as easy as Lucy thinks. Life’s realities cannot be avoided. We may try to run and hide, but struggles and trials have a way of dogging our footsteps and eventually catching up with us.
Instead we should face up to our problems. Sometimes it may be frightening, but we just have to trust God.
I read from Psalms this past week at church, I was the litergist on Sunday, I love Psalms, I think it’s always been one of my favorite books of the bible.

Psalms 56:3 Whenever I am afraid, I will trust in YOU.

Happenings from Home

2007-01-19T07:02:00.000-08:00

No Autumn doesn't have some funny kind of chiken pox, she loves playing with her little beads, she did lose her front tooth this week, and I think the tooth fairy came to see her twice. Dena usually trims the boys hair, but this week, when Eli bent over in the middle of the haircut, she took quite a good bit off, so she had to take him to the salon to correct it, and he got his first professional haircut, I like it, and look at that smile, and talk about smiles, you can just see Ethan is saying C-H-E-E-S-E. I'm glad Sherry got a camera for Christmas, so I don't feel like I'm missing everything. I miss my three little smiley's.

Beautiful Sunday Service and Nice dinner

2007-01-14T18:10:00.000-08:00

Some days are just so beautiful, any day with little Aaron a part of it is just wonderful! We had a beautiful Sunday service and a wonderful day afterwards! He's getting so big.

Questions to Mom

2007-01-12T13:48:00.000-08:00

1. When we were little you always tucked us in, told us stories, said our prayers with us, did Nana do that with you when you were little, what did you do before you went to bed when you were a little girl, prayers, stories, etc. NO, mother didn't tuck me in. i guess that was why i always did you all. i was always scared when i went to bed. I always said my prayers. Now I lay me down to sleep if I should die before I wake I pray the Lord my ssoul to keep. Most times I would arrange my hands across my chest, just in case I did not make it through the night, wasn’t that silly?
2. Who have you turned to for advice or guidance in your life? First of all I have turned to my inner self for the answers for guidance. I wish that I could say that I have always followed it. If we would listen to it before we did anything. At different times in my life, I have let others give me bad advice and I had to pay for it. I have always been so gullible, kind of like some of my children. My spelling might be wrong on some of the words, I am trying to type fast so I can answer most of the questions today so forgive the mistakes, just like I ask the Lord to forgive any mistakes that I have made. The Lord has been my guidance counselor for the last several years, in the years past my mother was my biggest advisor.
3. What kind of things do you do to relax or renew? My most relaxing place is my bathroom. I get so much pleasure from just getting away from it all and enjoying my bath with good smelling soap baths. I appreciate it. I think that Autumn likes to take a bath almost as much as me.
4. Do you have a special place you like to go? I love to go to the mountains. The biggest mountains were the ones that we saw in Helen. I hope to go further than that this year.
5. What did you want to be when you grew up? How old were you? Did that change over the years? At one time in my life I hoped to be an artist but I know that I wasn’t great at drawing. The only thing I liked to draw was women. I also thought about joining the service when I was a girl and seeing the world or becoming a airplane stewardess. I also wanted to be a wife and mother and I think that I accomplished that. Now I want to be a wife, mother, and grandmother. I just want to be able to retire from this job and enjoy being at home. I think I would love to be able to just take my time at home and not have to rush like I do. What is so bad about getting older is the fact that it takes me so much longer to do things and also I get nervous about some things when I used to not worry about them.

Can you believe it's winter time

2007-01-08T08:51:00.000-08:00

Aaron looked like a little Hawaiian tourist yesterday, it's hard to believe this weather, yesterday felt like summer, it was quite beautiful. Church was wonderful, Mike edited my pictures into a touching dvd video of all the pictures and some added from the church's beginnings to tell a beautiful story. There wasn't many dry eyes in the fellowship hall. Afterwards many people came up to me and told me they remembered when I took that picture of them, and what was going on in their life at that time, and I had captured it completely, I thought that was the best compliment I could ask for. I'm so glad Mike came up with the idea to do this for the church. Hope everyone has a wonderful week.

Way Back Wednesday

2007-01-03T17:33:00.000-08:00

The book More Milledgeville Memories by Hugh T. Harrington just came out! I just got my book today, so here's a little on Way Back Wednesday on my great great grandfather Erasmus Augustus Ennis and his brother Pleasant Theodocius Ennis. It's titled "Moonshine and Murder" That's my great great grandfather on the top, and his brother and sister-in law with their children on the second picture. More later blogger is acting up.

Happy New Year

2007-01-02T10:48:00.000-08:00

As you may have noticed I've been looking in two directions a lot, the past, and the future. There is a prayer that goes "Father we surrender this past year and give it up to You. We give You our failures, our regrets, and our disappointments, for we have no more use for them. Make us new people, forgetting what lies behind and pressing on towards that which lies ahead of us. We give You all our hopes and dreams for the future. Purify them by Your Spirit so that our wills shall truly reflect Your will for us." I love this prayer. This is my prayer for the new year. Here we are another year. 2007! I want to be encouraged by my successes of the past, and be guided by what I know is out there in spirit. I guess its good to look both ways. Past and future. I know I am never alone. The victories of the past give courage for the future. I know this is going to be a great year! Happy New Year to all

More Christmas Pictures

2006-12-29T13:53:00.000-08:00

WE love our Mom

2006-12-29T13:51:00.000-08:00

Home to Georgia for Christmas

2006-12-28T08:55:00.000-08:00

I made it home to Georgia on Saturday around noon, I always go by my great grandfather's old red barn first, for some reason it tells me I'm home. I ended up babysitting, or should I say nephew sitting Eli and Ethan ages 2 and 4 from 2:30 till midnight on Saturday. We had a wonderful day out on the farm where I grew up. I was a little sore, Ethan loved to ride my shoulders, he was so funny when he first saw me after his nap, he walked in to see me and wide eyed he went Dig-IT. I took them on a little adventure, and even took them to their great great grandpa's old red barn.
I made it to bed by 2:00 am my first night home, and I slept at least till 9:00 on Christmas eve, I got up early and went to Walmart to get Lasagna fixings, and a few last minute frames and things to wrap. While walking through the store, on the intercom, came a voice saying they were having a two for one special on deerstands. I just knew I must be a REDNECK. I continued laughing throughout the store, listening to people talk. I talked exactly like this once. I remember when I first moved to Jacksonville back in 1991, my real office job, they said try and loose that accent. My reply was “I’m proud of my Georgia heritage”. I really am, but my families southern accent is much stronger than mine now, although mine is still strong huh? While checking out I saw a woman smiling at me, it turned out to be my girlfriend from back in my school days. She looked great. She showed me pictures of her two children, ages 16, and one younger with pride. She looked happy. I gave her a big hug and chatted with her for a while. I got the lasagna started and wrapped. I took a quick nap afterwards, got ready, and Autumn and I drove over to my dad’s. Eli and Ethan quickly followed, with Sherry, Mark, Dena, and Andy quickly behind. It was a night of Italian delight, Jane made some wonderful spaghetti, we had two pans of lasagna, a wonderful salad, lots of goodies, I think my favorite was actually the pinto pie, it tastes just like pecan pie, and I would give anyone a $100 if they didn’t agree. We all sat around with my dad and had a really nice time. It didn’t seem stressful at all. He even told us a funny story of when he was a teenager that we had never heard. It was quite funny. We left and walked over to Dena and Andy’s. Autumn had to leave early, this was our first Christmas Eve without her with us. We have spent the last five years setting up everything for Santa to come see her. This year she spent with her mom on Christmas eve. I made it home, and Sherry and I stayed up till 1:30 wrapping presents and talking. Now all I have left to tell is about Christmas day and I’ll be all caught up, well almost anyway. More pictures coming later, I really havn't had much of a chance to edit them yet.

A visit to Ms. Beaulah

2006-12-22T07:15:00.000-08:00

I smile so I don’t cry.
Can anyone tell?
I sing carols of glee
But are they of glee?

I feel a sort of anxiousness
I wonder how fast time goes for them
Is it faster than it is for you and me?They lived, they still do.
They have a story to tell.
But here they are some forgotton,
Some the last of their family.I went for a taste of happiness
And in that happiness, I felt sadness
As we quickly walked through the halls
Much faster than they.
We did look back
With a glance of Ms. Beaulah with her head hung low.

Some probably walk out without looking back
But we did!

When Wendy put her heart neckace around her neck she pulled me in and in a whisper said, "Ya'll are going to make me cry"!

The cutest Christmas Card I've gotten this year

2006-12-16T11:58:00.000-08:00

Made by little Aaron's hand's. He's so sweet! Mama Val did a good job on the ornamentation too!

Maggie

2006-12-15T09:27:00.000-08:00

Maggie has been Sherry's dog for as long as I can remember, for many years. I can hardly remember a visit without Maggie being there, Sherry found Maggie up in the Great Smokey Mountains, it was snowing and she was just beside the highway, She was up there camping, She stopped opened the door, and Maggie has been with her ever since, Sherry checked the campsites close by, but noone had seen her, there were no dogtags. Maggie was and is a beauty. It's not going to be the same at Christmas without her. Sherry would always give her a cute Christmas scarf. This is one of my favorite ones with Sherry and her although there are many. My mom just emailed me that they are putting her to sleep today at 1:00 p.m. Keep my sister in your thoughts, she's had Maggie longer than any boyfriend, or even her husband. I think she's had her for almost 14 years. We will all miss you Maggie, I'm glad I got to spend Thanksgiving that night with you on my lap on the couch.

Just this side of heaven is a place called Rainbow Bridge.
Maggie will be there. There are meadows and hills for all of our special friends so they can run and play together. There is plenty of food, water and sunshine, and our friends are warm and comfortable.
All the animals who had been ill and old are restored to health and vigor. Those who were hurt or maimed are made whole and strong again, just as we remember them in our dreams of days and times gone by. The animals are happy and content, except for one small thing; they each miss someone very special to them, who had to be left behind.
They all run and play together, but the day comes when one suddenly stops and looks into the distance. Her bright eyes are intent. Her eager body quivers. Suddenly she begins to run from the group, flying over the green grass, her legs carrying her faster and faster.
You have been spotted, and when you and your special friend finally meet, you cling together in joyous reunion, never to be parted again. The happy kisses rain upon your face; your hands again caress the beloved head, and you look once more into the trusting eyes of your Maggie, so long gone from your life but never absent from your heart.
Then you cross Rainbow Bridge together....

Revisiting them again

2006-12-13T08:58:00.000-08:00

As many of you may know I sometimes revisit some old wounds. I try and keep my journals happy, but sometimes happy is not exactly what I'm feeling, today I've been thinking about the strength of mine that my wounds targeted. How can I learn about my strengths and identity from my wounds? Sometimes I feel I came into this world kicking and screaming, I was breach, and a part of me feels I wasn't quite ready to come back, I think I was enjoying where I was before. The scene's we're living is no sitcom, it's a battle at times. These blows we've taken, they were not random accidents at all, they hit dead center I think. The thing I was meant to be seemed to take the hardest blows. I've always had a gift of imagination, and writing words, and my art and photography. But my wounds always told me I wasn't good enough, or I was too different. I needed to be more like everyone else. Those wounds tried to take out what I was meant for. I was told many times I shouldn't go into art because I wasn't good enough. I am good enough. If it's still my dream I can go after whatever I want. On and on it goes, the wound is too well aimed and far too consistent to be accidental. It's like an attempt to take us out; to cripple or destroy our strenght and get us out of the action. I am so thankful for my supporters, my mother who always believed in me. A friend years ago when I started drawing again, made me feel talented and framed my work like they were works of art. The internet friends I've made through my journals that keep telling me tomorrow is a new day and I can make of each new day however I like. Your all blessing to me. Thank you!

Happy Birthday to Me

2006-12-11T06:43:00.000-08:00

It is strange how difficult it is to go backward in a jounal to the immediate past. Where has the year gone? Suddenly I am desparate for time, while energy flows out in the starting of cold weather. Lately it’s freezing one day and warm the next. At times I feel bursts of energy, and at other times I wouldn't mind staying in bed for long periods of time. I was thinking about our pastor today. When I consider a life like hers, so given and driven and how she is, nevertheless, an ever-flowering, responsive, caring person. I feel a kind of awe. My mind still wanders, it goes backward and forward of this past year. I feel like I was supposed to do more. But all I can do is what I've done. Am I confusing today or what. It’s my birthday, guess I can be this way. I need to get back writing more. I see how my thoughts are a little jumbled. I had a wonderful birthday weekend. Now my thoughts are of Christmas coming up.
One thing about going home is knowing your going to have to go down a dirt road to see your loved ones. I remember last year Autumn rode from Dena and Andy's with me back home, Dena and Andy live on one of those old dirt roads, roads that I took every week when I was growing up, and there are about 4 ways to get back home to Sherry's depending on which way you go on the dirt road. Being young sometimes your used to one way of going home, the shortest way or the quickest or just the one that is the least wet and you are not in danger of going in the ditch. Anyway back to my point. I took a way that Autumn wasn't used to taking, I took a right on the dirt road instead of a left. She looked over at me and said with big eyes, "You went the scary road". I asked her what is the scary road? She informed me it was the wrong road, not the one you are supposed to take. Well I've taken this road for years and it is a much longer ride, but I was just enjoying being home and being with her. She started looking worried when the road just kept going. Autumn for some reason gets a thrill out of being scared, she loves scary stories. Anything to make her heart beat a little faster. So I looked at her and said I think we went the wrong way. She looked over at me with her big eyes and said "I'm not scared". Well I am I grinned at her. So she gave me her hand to hold.
I love this story, not sure why but even though I know she was scared she was offering me her hand so I wouldn't be scared. Makes me think of us as humans, sometimes we have to admit that we become fearful-about dying, about cancer, about losing our mind, about losing our job, and my parents favorite was about their chidren getting in trouble, and my new one about getting older. This will be my last year in my 30’s. We don't like to confess it, so we may ignore, deny, or repress those fears. But to overcome our fear, we must first acknowledge it I guess. I went out this weekend for my birthday. An old friend told me that he was talking to someone and they said Derek sure has changed from the old Derek he knew, he goes around quoting scripture. I don't remember quoting any scripture to anyone, I think the only place I ever even mention it is in my journals. Maybe I just mention to people about my church. I do pray everyday that I can be used in some way. I find it easier to describe His love for us in my journals. Than to spread it in verbal words. I wish I were more verbal. I'm really mostly a pretty quiet person keeping things in. Woops off track again. Anyway a scripture did come to mind when I was writing earlier and for some reason, I was thinking about what my friend had said about someone saying I quote scripture. Anyway here it is. "Whenever I am afraid," he said "I will trust you" I think David wrote that somewhere in Psalms. I like this one, I loved Sunday School. My mom was my Sunday School teacher when I was growing up too. Along with Mrs. Martin and Mrs. Sara Grace, which I think I've written about before. It's a conscience decision to trust God. So the next time I get scared I think that's what I'm going to try and do. I really believe we can conquer our fears. To admit that we are afraid is to admit we are human. But to admit being afraid and then trusting in Him and going forward will take the fear out of fear. I had bad dreams when I was little, and I remember right before I would go to sleep I found a way to stop them. I got on my knees and said "Please God, don't let me have any bad dreams". It worked. Bless me this year on my 39th birthday! A lot!

Thanksgiving pictures and More Thanksgiving pictures

2006-11-29T15:21:00.000-08:00

More Thanksgiving pictures

2006-11-29T14:28:00.000-08:00

Pictures to be added later, I'm at work

2006-11-29T12:00:00.000-08:00

Thankfully Remembered
Last Thursday was Thanksgiving:
I am so thankful for my family and the time I had. I was greeted by my sisters and mom, Autumn, and my brother got off work shortly after. I was sort of shocked to have all of us together the day I got there on Wednesday, but it ended before to late, as they went out, while I stayed and taught Autumn a few new pranks, which were fun. Everyone got up Thursday morning feeling pretty good, we relaxed most of the day, or I did, while my sister Sherry worked her butt off getting food ready for my dad’s. We all made it over there by 5:30 and spent most of the evening there, feasting. The next day we spent with my mom, bonefire’s food, and drink. Although I wasn’t drinking I ended up doing something that I’m sure will be my new Thanksgiving joke on me, I walked right through the back screen door, tearing it to shreds throwing a moth out. We ate well again, and sat around the fire and told jokes. I ended up babysitting the three Autumn, Eli, and Ethan that night, Sherry was ready to go out again. The next day was very relaxing, I spent part with my mom and we had our little adventure, then over to my sister Dena’s to spend with the boys. After that went to church on Sunday. The people I am thankful for but didn't get to spend Thanksgiving with was my grandparents. They are no longer with us. Thanksgiving memories always bring them to life for me and my family, we often sit and revisit these memories of them. Mema and Nana both seemed to enjoy Thanksgiving so much because their families were home with them. I guess my mom and dad are much like them now. I'm thankful for all the many wonderful memories of Thanksgiving past with my grandparents, even the one where I gave the dogs the food I was supposed to put in Mema's refrigerator outside. Why I fed it to the dogs I still don't know. But they always love sharing that story every year. I'm thankful for all the people I've shared Thanksgiving with in the past and they are no longer a part of my daily life. I'm also thankful for all the friends I do have now, they are family too.

Sherri on the River

2006-11-19T14:04:00.000-08:00

Grace

2006-11-14T06:33:00.000-08:00

Last night was a night of reflection, one of our friends Theresa has been taking care of her mom for a little over a year, and she brought her to the birthday party Friday night, she’s so sweet, they have been going to our church since I started. Her name is Grace. She looked so cute Friday night, she was sitting up on a chair, she had her hair all done, I took a picture of her, it is the last picture that I took of her. When I hugged her Sunday after church, I had no idea it was going to be the last hug. It was funny during choir practice Sunday she started singing the song, which was unusual, because she usually just sits in the congregation while we practice, her daughter and I both sing in the choir. So we joked her that she should sing with us the special we are supposed to sing this Sunday. She said if your wanting to hear my voice next Sunday you won’t be able to hear it. She’s the first person our church has lost to death. I was just thinking about her, you know when I went to the highland games back in Febuary, we rode with her and her daughter and she was so funny walking around. We almost lost her about a year ago. I’m glad we got the time with her we did.

Today I sit and think of the word “Grace” It was her name. That word itself means so much.

Throughout the past years of my life "the Grace of God" has been accepted because I am a born-again, Spirit-filled Believer in Christ.
When taking a look at the word "Grace," a person may perceive a greater understanding when studying the "Attributes of Grace." Words are not adequate when one realizes, with thanks, that "God's Love and Grace" goes beyond the comprehension of human understanding. Just look in the dictionary…

"Any attractive quality."
"An extension of time granted after a set time for paying a debt."
"The Love of God toward man."
"A short prayer at meal."
"The divine influence operating in man (person)."
"Any divinely inspired spiritual virtue of excellence."
The definition of "Any divinely inspired spiritual virtue of excellence" reminds me of a cliché that states, "to err is human, to forgive is divine."

Human nature, at times, wants to justify the wrongs of another person. Although what is "right" is right, and what is "wrong" is wrong. In our dailey lives in our relationships we may have to exercise grace with one another--especially if the couple is not like-minded. You or I may be living a Christian life, but there is no guarantee that the relationship will provide smooth sailing.
God's Grace to mankind also teaches mankind to break barriers of prejudice, pride, and self-righteousness toward others. So what a beautiful name her mom picked when she named her.

"SALVATION IS THE PLENTIFUL GRACE OF GOD TO MANKIND!"

Thank you for your Grace Lord, and thank you for our Grace!

Sherri

2006-11-12T14:34:00.000-08:00

Today my friend Sherri surprised me and met me at church, it was so nice to see her. She's such a sweet person, and she's much like my sister's she's just as beautiful on the inside as she is the out. She's been traveling a lot lately, so I hanv't got to see her as much. It was a nice day, I'm tired though and hungry.

Happy Birthday Lance

2006-11-01T12:43:00.000-08:00

Lance and Derek, brothers by blood
Thoughts of yesterday continue to flood
Two children fast at play, I grew older and went away

That was the past, and the memories last
Because in our dreams and in life, time goes so fast
Or can time stand still, where we can look at thoughts of past, present, future at will

Tomorrow will come and we will be still
With unmeasurable amounts of love to be shared
Although we don’t always say it we both know, (that we have no hair) I was trying to rhyme with shared
For now we have our dreams and thoughts, our should and our oughts

Our father and mother, our sisters we love.
I only know of being Uncle, you know Father and Uncle.
But… we are brothers
We are brothers by blood
And my love does flood.

Happy Birthday my brother!

Questions to Mom

2006-10-30T15:42:00.000-08:00

Since I got this picture of mom and Uncle Jerry last weekend from the reunion I decided to ask her about Uncle Jerry.

1. Tell me about some memories of Uncle Jerry. One of the things that I remember about Jerry is that while he was still at home, I felt very protected. Daddy was gone a lot, but Jerry was always there and he was always good to see about all of us. We all had to work so hard there was not a whole lot of time to have fun.What is your fondest memory of him? You know since Jerry was seven years older than me, he was gone while I was quite young. He married not too long after he left home after graduation and did not get to come home a lot. I stayed with him and Andy one summer for a couple of weeks. Jerry and Barbara bought me a pretty white dress with a red cumberband belt around the waist. I enjoyed staying with them because I went out with Barbara's sister. They introduced me to a boy who I liked a lot. His name was Monty Montgomery. He called me his Georgia Peach. He was the first boy that I really liked a lot. Jerry and Barbara were real young. They had Brenda Gail and Marshall Dale and they were having a hard time making it.
2. Can you remember how Nana would spend her day from wake up to evening? My mother worked from daylight until dark. She was always busy doing something. I know that I should have helped more than I did. She did all the washing, ironing, sewing clothes, cooking and all the things that go along with taking care of a big family. I don't know how she did all she did. We each one would have a night to wash dishes. She also helped out with taking care of our crops. If we were in the fields, she was right there with us. Usually at lunch we just made a sandwich. She always had chickens to feed and eggs to gether. We helped do that though. I don't think that I can remember her just relaxing, even when we watched tv at night, she usually was busy sewing something.

Picture taken in by my Nana's when I was a little boy

2006-10-27T22:40:00.000-07:00

This picture was taken at my Nana's shortly after I was attacked by a dog. You can notice my how swollen by eye was. I'm not sure why I like this picture but I do. Being attacked by our neighbors dog was one of my first memories, guess sometime those traumatic things just seem to stay in our memories. I remember running from the dog, and trying to get over the fence, one of our neighbors had put me in their yard, which they weren't supposed to do. I remember screaming for my mom, and then the next thing I remember was riding in the back of a car with people holding me down and trying to keep me calm. Then the doctor's putting a sheet over my head with a hole cut in it that fit right over my eye, so they cut stitch me up. I bet I wasn't a pretty sight. I guess being a parent must be a pretty scary thing. And even harder when their little ones get hurt. I'm still trying to figure out why I love this picture so much, maybe because I loved it out at my Nana's. Her farm was so calm and peaceful. I also felt like someone was watching over me in the picture, not sure why though.
I read this today and thought it was pretty cool. Learning to Run The two-year old likes to run.It warms my heart when I see his funny movements as he runs.It also scares me because young children have a tendency to fall very easily. I was out shopping with my sons when the two-year old started to run. He fell. If you are a parent, you completely understand the phrase,"it hurts you more than it does them." There is something that pains worse than physical torment to see your little one hurt. He skinned his knee and elbow. He cried for a few minutes and finally with the soothing of Daddy, quieted down.We are like my two-year old.There are so many areas of life where we must run:some by choice, some by the force of circumstances. There are so many new things. There are so many times when our steps are unsure and we are notexperienced runners. The older I get, the more I understand how a Divine Father can let us go through some things and fall. I was tempted to stop my son when I saw him run. I knew that sooner or later, if not that day then one day, he would fall. I also knew that if he was to ever learn how to run, he must fall, and often I had to watch him do it. I fell in business several times before I was able to run.I fell in relationships several times before I had sense enoughto stop looking for perfection and know that we all have faults. Even your second child is reared differently from the first because you learn some things from falling with that first one. I fell off of my bicycle.I fell off of my motorcycle.I fell on skates (roller and ice).I even choked a few times while learning to swim. We often fall when learning to run the things of life. Too often bruises stop us from ever trying to run again. We are afraid that we will slip and get hurt. We are afraid of the pain. My son runs much better now. I still wince when I see him run on a hard surface but he won't stop running. At only two, he has one of the keys of life. He won't stop running just because he fell. Your bruises will heal, you will get up,and the path will still be there. Though at times you may not think it so, The Divine Father is still watching over you.He just knows that he has to let you fall,If you are ever to learn to run. I think I'm still learning to run.

Happy First Birthday Aaron

2006-10-27T09:15:00.000-07:00

I can't believe he's already one years old today. It has been so wonderful watching this little fellow grow. I realize how much I missed on watching Autumn, Eli, and Ethan grow from week to week. He's such a sport. I can't belive he's going to be a big brother to twins in a few months. He's going to have a little brother and sister. Happy Birthday Aaron!

and more pictures

2006-10-26T21:14:00.000-07:00

I'll write more later, It's has taken me forever to add these pictures on blogger tonight, not sure what's going on.

Pictures from the weekend

2006-10-26T20:55:00.000-07:00

Way Back Wednesday

2006-10-18T12:25:00.000-07:00

This weekend is my Nana's family reunion. This is a picture of her parents David Andrew Kilgore, and Ida Lillian (Pritchett) Kilgore, taken on their first house in Dublin, Georgia, this was their house that burned down. Since the reunion is this weekend, I've finished a scrapbook for everyone to see, and been working on their genealogy. This is what I have on David Andrew Kilgore's grandfather, Elijah Kilgore.

ELIJAH KILGORE

Around 1816 ELIJAH KILGORE was born in Tennessee to parents who had migrated there from Virginia. It has been suggested that Elijah might be the son of Steven Kilgore of Virginia, and a descendant of one of the Kilgore brothers who fought at King's Mountain in the Revolutionary War. All of us who are researching Elijah are working hard on that one.

Around 1835, Elijah married NANCY E. KNIGHT, daughter of JONATHAN & ELLENDER KNIGHT of North Carolina. The marriage date is approximate. I checked for a marriage record by letter written April 14, 1986 to Pikeville, TN, even though the courthouse burned in 1908. Nancy gave birth to their first son on July 26, 1836, in Pikeville, Bledsoe County, Tennessee, and they named him JOHN JACKSON KILGORE. Then came CHARLES KILGORE around 1839 and ISAAC CALVIN L. KILGORE in April of 1840. With his family growing, Elijah apparently began looking around for a homestead. There was a lot of unclaimed land at that time, and the government was selling it cheap. On October 27, 1841, a survey was done in Elijah's name for 500 acres. It wasn't until seven years later that Elijah was able to claim the property on April 15, 1848, probably due to not having the money to pay all the fees attached to such grants at that time.

In a note to me from Tennessee Archivist III, Marylin Bell Hughes, on Nov. 17, 1993, she writes: "There was a great deal of land in Tennessee when we became a state. After North Carolina was allowed to grant land for service in the Revolutionary War, there was still a lot of land left. In 1806 Tennessee obtained the right to grant land (first deed to property) in its own right. Land was cheap as the state officials wanted to bring more people in to populate the land and to pay taxes. Therefore, some fees were attached to the land office procedures. A fee was paid to file the entry, to file the survey and to file the grant. Over the years the legislature added additional time spans to pay off these debts. However, sometimes the individual did not pay the fees and lost the ability to obtain the grant (deed). It would appear that your ancestor did not pay a fee at the given time but he may have been allowed further time to pay it. This must be the case as he later obtained the grant. Hopefully this explains the questions which you pose."
Shortly thereafter the family moved on and set up house in Bradley County, a section of Tennessee which had been reclaimed from the Indians only 14 years before. By 1850, the Kilgores were firmly established landowners in Bradley County and the proud parents of seven children: John, Charles, Calvin, James, Ellender, Elijah Taylor, & Nancy Emma.

What caused the Kilgore family to move yet again is unknown at this time, but on September 22, 1855, Elijah bought 160 acres in Catoosa County, Georgia, from George M. McCully. In the 1860 Georgia census, Elijah, Nancy and nine of their 11 children were enumerated. Charles and Isaac Calvin were missing, probably working on a farm somewhere away from home, since they still lived.

A year later, the first shot of the Civil War was fired and changed the lives of the Kilgore family forever. Isaac Calvin Kilgore was mustered in on 10 Jan 1862 in Dalton as a private in the 12th Georgia Cavalry, Company A, Avery's Squadron, Georgia Dragoons. His horse was valued at $175. Two months later John Kilgore enlisted on March 4, and James followed four months after that. Both John and James were privates in Company F, 39th Regiment, Georgia Volunteer Infantry, Army of the Tennessee. Charles also enlisted, but I have yet to find his record. More about Charles later.

The records are spotty on all the brothers, but what records have been discovered show Isaac was captured March 28, 1863 at Pulaski, Tennessee. There is a family story of Isaac escaping from captivity by hitting a guard over the head. Here is the story as told by Ruby Tennessee Kilgore: "Union soldiers had him imprisoned in a cotton house when it came up a real bad storm and the guard at the door came inside. Uncle Ike acted like he was having convulsions and passed out. When the guard turned around, Uncle Ike hit him in the head with his boot." Records from the military prison in Louisville, [KY] show Isaac being captured less than a month later in Murfreesboro, Tennessee on April 14 1863 and shows him as a private in the 4th Regiment Georgia Cavalry. According to records from Camp Case, Ohio, Isaac C. Kilgore was listed on a role of prisoners claiming to be deserters, transferred from Louisville on May 4, 1863. Such a claim may have led to his early release. According to his release papers from Camp Case, Ohio, Isaac was 5'10" tall, of light complexion, with light hair, blue eyes, and was 21 years old. He was released May 27, 1863 upon signing the oath of allegiance. (The story of the escape has gotten confused with 2 brothers over the years, but the record here seems to indicate that Ike was the one).

If I'm reading the records correctly, both James and John were in a unit that never made it to the end of the war. Their regiment was one of two with Danville Ledbetter defending Chattanooga against Mitchell. Both James and John Kilgore fought at Chattanooga, Shiloh, Champions Hill (also called Baker's Creek), and the Siege of Vicksburg. (It seems that John may have fought later with another unit, according to the Confederate Census form he filled out). This regiment was under fire so often it was almost completely wiped out. All remaining living men deserted before the end of the war. The last of them jumped off a troop train and headed for home. In all, this regiment had marched some 3,320 miles, about one-fourth of them barefooted. James was captured at the Siege of Vicksburg on July 4, 1863, and was paroled in Vicksburg on July 15. On August 25 he deserts the army and is on the run. On October 18 John deserts and goes within Federal lines at Sale Creek, TN. He is received at the military prison at Louisville, Kentucky on November 12. The next day he takes the oath of allegiance and is released to remain north of the Ohio River for the duration of the war. It is my opinion that many of the men from Vicksburg later went over to federal lines because they were starving. I say this because the soldiers of Vicksburg, being under siege, were on half rations, the non-combatants even less. (Food for the Confederates was always scarce at the best of times). The diets inside the besieged city was supplemented in some cases by mule meat and rats. They were shelled day and night, the only breaks coming when the federal guns were cooled and reloaded. The Confederate men dug holes in the hillsides for the women and children as a haven from the shelling, but became a matter of honor among the men not to go into them.
Back at home, not only do the Yankees take over the town of Ringgold, but the Battle of Chickamauga is fought practically in their backyard. (There is a story of Jeff Kilgore, a toddler at the time, hiding under the bed while the battle was going on). John and James fought in the defense of Chattanooga and the Kilgore home is repeatedly subjected to surprise searches by Union soldiers looking for the Kilgore sons. On one such surprise search, a Union soldier jabbed under a bed with his bayonet and yelled, "I got one! I got one!" Mother Nancy came near to collapsing thinking one of her sons had sneaked in during the night. It turned out the soldier had run his bayonet through a pumpkin that had been stored under the bed. One of the sons, probably one too young to be in the war, had a favorite pony, which he tried to hide. But "the Yankees found it anyway," the story goes.
Yet life goes on, even in war. Their daughter Ellen (Ellender), married a rock mason from Ireland, Ralph Adams, in 1862. By 1864, Elijah and Nancy are the proud grandparents of little Mary Adams, born during the long last days of the Civil War. (There may have been some births before Mary, but, if so, those have not yet been found).

However, not all the stories have quite the good ending as the one which turned out to be a pumpkin. As the war wound to a close, the Kilgores gathered at the old homeplace for an anticipated reunion. Probably among the group were the new daughers-in-law, Sarah Jane Doster & Elmira Ellis, who married Isaac Calvin & James during the war. Stories from several family sources say that Charles Kilgore was making his way home. He had come as far as the path leading to the house and was nearly home when shots rang out from ambush. When the smoke cleared, Charles Kilgore lay dead, shot in the chest and in the head. The family heard the shots and ran down the road, where they found Charles lying with one hand across his forehead and the other over his heart. This story has been handed down through two different lines of the family and was also told to me by Ethel Langford Simmons, Theodosia Kilgore's granddaughter. The story was also heard by Janice Murphy through Theodosia's son, Willie Edward Gillihan).

As the years passed, the "swords were hammered into plowshares", and the soldiers went back to the land. Elijah and Nancy were blessed with their children's families living clustered around them. Five years after the war, only William Frank, age 18; David Andrew, age 15; and 13-year-old Theodosia still lived at home, and the family had just had another wedding. This time their oldest son, John, an old bachelor of nearly 34 years, married 22-year-old Emiline "Emma" Parker.

Elijah Kilgore, not content with just farming, also became an itinerant preacher, traveling over much of Lookout Mountain in Alabama, Georgia and Tennessee. The Kilgores must have entertained many distinguished guests at their home because young Theodosia, (or Doshie, as she was called), remembered serving at the table for these serious-minded people. Everything was so quiet the sound of their munch, munch, munching was all that could be heard. It was too much for young Doshie, who found it hilarious and broke into uncontrollable giggles. (I doubt that sat very well with those solemn guests and her father).

As the decade of the 1870's wore down, so did the light of their family, Mother Nancy. Having weathered a war and the death of a son, Nancy did not make it to her 60th birthday. It was probably just after her mother's death that Theodosia went to visit her sister, Ellen, who had married and moved away from Georgia, in Carbon County, Wyoming. It was there she lost her heart to a man with long, elegant mustaches by the name of James (Thomas?) Madison Owens. (I have a picture of him). They marry, though he is not popular with her brothers. The story goes that he "sounded different" which might have meant a foreign accent which sounded Northern to those struggling through the aftermath of the Civil War. James Owens was born in Ireland in 1844, according to an old family Bible in the possession of the late Ethel Simmons, Theodosia's granddaughter.

Elijah, now a widower, found solace with a woman 19 years younger. Her name was Teresa A. Inman, and on September 15, 1878, they were married in Whitfield County, Georgia. Two months later, his youngest daughter, Theodosia, gave birth to a son, James Madison "Jim" Owens, Jr. It is not known exactly what happened to the Kilgore family after Elijah's second marriage, but by 1880, all the children had left home; some had left the state. David, Jeff, Theodosia and her two children were living in a house together in Catoosa County. Theodosia's baby, Lillie Augusta Owens, was barely two months old. (Lillie was my great-grandmother). I believe there was a rift in the family after Elijah remarried, whether on the part of his new bride, Teresa, or on the part of his grown children, is not known. Elijah became a father again in October of 1881. They named the little girl, Ida Lee Kilgore. Elijah was 65 years old. When Ida Lee was about 11 years old, her father's health began to decline and he made his Last Will and Testament. Everything was left to his wife Teresa, and, in the event of her death, to his 11-year-old daughter, Ida Lee. Apparently, Jeff Kilgore, who married in 1882 to Tennessee Rinkle, owed his father some money, because in the will Elijah said:

"With respect to my worldly estate, I give and bequeath to my loving wife Terressa all of my lands and household furniture and such money as may be in my house at the time of my death, and all of my stock and farming implements with proviso that if my son Jefferson pays my wife Terressa $150 in six years after my death, then my wife must make Jefferson's son a good and sufficient title to 80 acres lying on the east side of my home, lot #76, and further bequeath that at the death of my wife Terressa, all of the foregoing property to descend to my daughter, Ida Lee Kilgore. If Jefferson fails to pay the $150, then in that case the title is to remain in my wife Terressa [Terressa's] name."

On April 28, 1891, Elijah Kilgore died in the North Georgia mountains of Catoosa County where he had lived the last 37 years of his life. There is a story that has survived in the family and told to me by two people unknown to each other. The story goes that, as Elijah lay dying, he told his family that he would die at midnight. Some of his sons decided to set the old clock back one hour, hoping to keep him going a little longer. But, as the clock struck the false hour of eleven, Elijah commented that "something is wrong; it's time for me to go." And he died at midnight exactly when he said he would.

Elijah was about 75 years old when he died. He was born in Tennessee when it was still wilderness. He was working his land when the Union troops took possession of Ringgold and used it for their headquarters. Somehow, he, his family, and his farm survived and flourished. By the time of his death, the Kilgore farm boasted cows, sheep, hogs, horses, wagons, farm implements, and good household furniture. But the farm did not survive after Elijah, for, unlike the hour of his death, the future would not be as he envisioned it. His wife Teresa apparently died either just before, or just after, Elijah, and the land and all possessions went to the 11-year-old child, Ida Lee. A couple of months later, all household items, livestock, and farm implements, were sold, many of them bought by the Kilgore sons. No one knows why all 11 of Elijah's children by his first marriage were left out of his will. For several years, the farm itself must have lain fallow unless it was rented, because it wasn't sold until 1905 when it was bought by L.L. Parker of Hamilton County, Tennessee, possibly a relative of John Jackson Kilgore's wife, Emaline Parker.

Man and his nurse

2006-10-15T19:49:00.000-07:00

Today after church, I had a good time running around. I took some beautiful shots of the river, the gardens of the Cummer Musuem. But my favorite shot came later. We all went to a restaurant close by our house and I decided it was so beautiful I wanted to walk home. Out in a beautiful old house was a man sitting in a chair just looking at his house and a garden with a woman working in his flower bed, who resembled a nurse. I walked by and there was something about his eyes. I kept walking, and a little voice said your supposed to talk to him, go back. I've heard that voice before, and kept walking. I had ignored that voice and regretted since that day. So about 2 houses I turned a 90 degree and walked back to him. He was smiling! I asked him could I take his picture? He answered, "How much you going to pay me?" I asked him how much he wanted. He laughed and said he didn't mind at all. I only took one shot and this is it, I think it's my favorite shot I took, because I saw a generation that is almost gone. History was written in those eyes. Maybe I saw my Papa, or maybe I just wanted too. He told me about his life, he was 88 years old. He and his wife moved into the house he was in front of back in the 30's. She had passed away 10 years, and he sure missed her. You could see the love in his eyes when he talked about her. He told me he was a sick man, and the lady was his nurse and that she enjoyed working in his flowerbed. He looked like he was enjoying his day. He sure made mine. Bless this man! He sure gave me a blessing today a litte history to go along with it. I asked him did he have any word of wisdom for a younger generation. He said, "If you say your going to do something, then do it."

My Prayer Cycle

2006-10-06T21:38:00.000-07:00

I often write of my life as a child, I guess I was blessed with many memories, I remember being amazed when I met people when I was still in school, who couldn't remember who their first grade teacher was. I could still tell you every teacher I ever had, their names and describe what they looked like. There were so many books I loved to read, I mentioned Hans Christian Anderson, another would have been C.S. Lewis. I also loved fairytales and fantasy, who remember the book "Five Children and It" a book about brothers and sisters on a summer holiday and discovering a sand fairy who grants them one wish each day. But with every wish brings the children more trouble than happiness because they can't foresee the results of getting everything they ask for. Since I was a child I think I've always made my wants known through prayer. Some of my prayers were No. I know now that prayer is more than just telling HIM what we want Him to do for us, or what we us to do for us. It's funny knowing He already knows what we need even before we ask for them. I think of the "Lords Prayer", I remember learning it when I was young, I also learned it in French. It's quite beautiful both ways. Once that prayer was a memory of words, but did I really know what it meant. Today it means more aout living and growing, trusting our relationships with all around us, rather than getting what we want from HIM. I guess as we grow in faith, our prayers will become less of a wish list and more of an intimate conversation. Mine still sound like a wish list many times. But as I look back, I'm glad He didn't grant many of my crazy wishes. Going to bed, have a great weekend.

Questions to Ma

2006-10-06T17:41:00.000-07:00

1. What kind of car or vehicle did your family drive, were you proud or embarrassed of it? Why? We had many vehicles through my childhood. Most of the time, we drove a truck, one reason being since we lived on the farm, we needed it to survive. The one that I remember the most was a dark green chevrolet truck. I don't remember being ashamed of it. I just remember how crowded we were when the weather was bad. It always seemed like I wound up sitting next to Jimmy and he always had to stick his elbows in my ribs which would really get my blood boiling. During those times, I guess I was just glad that we had a way of getting where we needed to go. I can remember times when Daddy was gone in the truck when Mother would drive the old farmall tractor to Lax so we could go to the show. She would have children sitting and standing on every spot available. Can you picture six little children riding all the way to Lax? I guess she was probably holding Danny in her lap since he was the baby. It would have been pretty hard to get all of us in baby seats back then. Usually Jerry and Jimmy would ride on the front part of the tractor and some of us would stand on the back bumper or what ever you call that thing on the back. Happy days! We would have the best time. They sold the best hot dogs and hamburgers there. This was at Joe Dill's country store. I can remember how it smelled and exactly how it looked. That was around 1953. Andy was in the 11th grade. I did not realize that he was almost gone when I was eight years old.
2. What was your mother’s favorite receipe? What do you remember being very fond of that she cooked when you were a little girl. My Mother could cook the best dumplings, her peas were out of this world. Another thing that I remember her making for us was chocolate filled tarts. She would take coco and sugar and mix it together and then she would roll out the tarts and then sprinkle the sugar and coco in it and then fry them. She made this a lot of times when we didn't have a whole lot to eat. I can remember eating those when we lived in the old house. She could also make the best homemade biscuits. We would stick a hole in the top and then pour syrup in the hold
3. Describe your mother (Nana) in her best dress that you remember? The dress that I remember the most is the one in the picture that was taken with all of us when we lived in the old house. I guess one reason I remember it the best is because I have seen that picture through the years. This is the picture that has all of children except Danny. This was before he was born. Her dress was white with flowers all over it. I thought she looked so pretty. She had made all of our clothes in that picture, even the boy's shirts. I also can remember how cute she looked in her uniforms when she worked as a waitress. She always had a good figure.
4. Did you ever go on a hayride as a little girl, since it’s October I was thinking I wonder if my mama ever went bobbing for apples, did they have fun things for Halloween when you were a little girl. Did you like Halloween when you were little? Do you remember any of your costumes? The first halloween that I can remember was when I was in the 1st grade and I was going to school at Lax. We had a halloween carnival and we bobbed for apples and had cakewalks. Mother dressed up like a gypsy and told fortunes. I don't remember how I was dressed. We didn't ever go trick or treating like little kids do now. I did go on a hayride when I was probably sixteen. I remember Jimmy Mobley sitting beside me. It was really, really cold. I amost froze to death. We went with our church at Lax. We had a party at Billy Wingate's house.

Autumn in Autumn

2006-10-03T18:40:00.000-07:00

Autumn in a
Bed of yellow hay saying
Come to the wind and to the leaves
let us play
for summer is gone
and the night grows cold

Lifetime for Women

2006-09-26T17:26:00.000-07:00

Tonight at 9:00 p.m. my cousin Caia is going to be on the Lifetime channel in her movie "Choosing Matthias". It's going to be wild watching her on television. I remember when I was a little boy and she would draw stories on a posterboard, then we would go in a dark room, and with our Papa's big flashlight, she would tell me a story pointing the flashlight at her pictures she had drawn on the posterboard. I also remember us falling on the motercycle and the muffler burning her leg. Also we could never pass a turtle without her stopping and her pointing the turtle towards the nearest body of water. I loved it when my cousin came for Thanksgiving, or Christmas, we spent every Christmas together until our grandmother passed away a few years ago. One of my favorite memories of her was she was a majorette, and had 100's of trophies for twirling the baton, and she was in a parade, and I was on the side watching, she stopped in the middle of the road when she saw me, and came over and gave me a big kiss. She always made me feel loved and special! I love you Caia! We're all really proud of you.

My comments section

2006-09-26T15:56:00.000-07:00

I've got numerous emails on why I've taken my comments section off my blog. So I thought I would explain it. When I first started my first blog over at aol. I lived for my comments, the more the better, but when I moved over to blogger, I realized I didn't get as many comments as I did in aol. I realized I was only writing for comments. I lost myself and why I started writing in the first place for myself. So I decided to disable the comments section. I'm not saying I don't want feedback, I welcome any emails or anything if you want to say anything or ask anything. But I just wanted to write for me again, and that's what I'm going to try to do. I know there will still be people reading it, but I don't have to go oh wow, only one person commented on this entry, and then later on another one I get five. I guess this makes since, but I did want to answer everyone that has emailed me on this. It's just a decision I have made, who knows I may change my mind again, plus I have other blogs where I get comments. I want to keep this one just for me and my thoughts. A little change!

She loves me the most, Happy Birthday Mom

2006-09-25T05:53:00.000-07:00

As I sat watching "Brother's and Sister's last night after "Desparate Housewives" I realized I still hadn't called my mom to wish her a Happy Birthday. She called me on Friday and said she had got my gift in the mail and had opened it already, she couldn't hold out until Sunday. I talked to her again on Saturday, I thought of her Sunday in church, but didn't call her till late to wish her a Happy Birthday, she laughed saying you know what time it is, I told her I wanted to be the last one to talk to her on her birthday. Last year was a big celebration, the pictures are of her surprise birthday we had for her last year. We did a "This is your Life" party, she was so surprised. The picture of her and me is from when she came to see me when I was living at the beach. The one of Autumn and her is the last picture I've taken of her. Oh and the one of us with the microphone, is all of us singing a song Dena and Andy had written for her on her birthday. I wish I still remember the words. I wish I had been there yesterday with them, but wasn't able to make it up to Georgia this weekend. But I'm going soon for one of her family reunions.
My mom jokes me about writing a book on our family all the time. Well one day I just might. Yesterday was my mom's birthday. I hope is was beautiful for you mom, just like you. I read somwhere about an interview with a mother it went something like. "Do you think all children deserve the full, impartial love and attention of a mother?" "Of course", said the mother. "Well which of the children do you love the most?" he asked hoping to catch her in a contradiction. She answered, "The one who is sick until he gets well, and the one who is away until he gets home.". I thought this was cute. My mom would always and still does write us little notes and letter, and at the bottom, she would always write, I love you the best! It always made us feel special. It was also kind of fun, especially when we would happen across a letter she had written to my sister,and I would open it up and there at the bottom, I love you the best. She loves us all, kind of like God's love for all of us. "God loves every one of us as if there were but one of us to love." St. Augustine Mama thanks for all the prayers you've whispered during the worst moments of our lives, and the many hopes for our success in all that we dreamed of. Thanks for the kind wishes that would make us happy and fullfilled and the gentle words of encouragement that were meant for strenthening us. Thanks for your acceptance, your ability to understand and your friendship that always gave us security. Thanks for your wisdom of all the lessons you taught us, and the meaning behind "unconditional love". Thanks Mama for everything you've done, your the best mom in the world. I love you the best. Happy Birthday!

The kids in our church are growing fast

2006-09-24T11:05:00.000-07:00

The kids are all growing so fast. The triplets are, and their big sister is so good with them. Aaron is getting big too, it's been a few weeks since we've seen him since they had gone on vacation. He's going to be a big brother soon, Valerie is having twins.

Questions to mom

2006-09-22T13:34:00.000-07:00

1. Share a memory of a really bad weather story, when you were a child, or any bad weather memory. The worse weather story is when the tornado passed through Lax. It left there and went on through Alapaha and tore the school down. We were on the way home from school on the bus when we realized that a tornado had hit Lax. When we got past the Dill's house, the bus could not go any further.Light lines were down everywhere and the busdriver was scared that he would run over one. I was scared that Mother and Daddy had got hurt. Pepa said he was up in the old house beside Nana's when he heard it coming, he was trapped there. He could not run to the house. What was so strange about it, it cut a path through the woods and came back through the same way. No one got hurt, but it sure messed up a lot. Metal roofs were wrapped around trees. One man's front porch was thrown to the back of his house. It was very scary.

2. Describe what your family living room and dining room looked like when you were a child. What do you remember everyone doing after all the chores were done and you were all home before ya’ll went to bed?
First of all, let me describe the dining room Pepa had a table made especially for us since there was so many of us. Before Andy and Jerry left home, there was eight of us at the table which was quite a lot. Pepa always set at the end of the table next to the kitchen. Jerry and Andy set on the side facing the windows. Jimmy also set on that side too. Nana set on the side next to the living room, along with Danny. Tommy and me. I don't know how she made the food go so far. We always had enough to eat and it was so good. I think the table was covered with formica. I don't know what happened to it.

The living room was very simple. There was a couch, rocking chair and another chair. She always had a coffee table in front of the couch. The floors were wood. At that time, we did not have carpet on the floor. In the corner was a floor furnace. After we got through working, we would all gather in the living room and watch our black and white tv. We usually watched Gunsmoke or western shows. We never stayed up very late since we had to get up so early. The first tv was bought in Douglas after they sold some tobacco. We thought we were really uptown. A lot of the time, I would go in my room and read the books I had checked out from the library. Nana had a sewing machine set up in the dining room and she would be sewing sometimes.

A lesson from my Nana

2006-09-19T14:27:00.000-07:00

I can’t really ever remember hurting any animal when I was little. The only bad thing I remember doing was when I was hmm, I don’t even know how old, just that I was young. I got a earthworm out by Nana’s, took one of her matches that she had to either light her heater, or to light one of her smokes if her lighter wasn’t handy. I took a match and stuck it in the skin, lit a match and then stuck it on the other match. Cruel I know, I have no idea why I did something like that, but my Nana caught me and she taught me a lesson that day. Nana was a earthy person. She was of nature! She loved the outdoors. She had taken me grubbing for worms before when she went fishing. So I thought she wouldn’t really have a problem with this. I’m not sure if the lesson was to keep me away from her matches or if she really meant to teach me something. But what she told me stuck with me, and I don’t ever remember being mean to any of God’s creatures from that day. She actually brought up the fact how she had took me grubbing for worms. She asked me did I remember how many worms we found. I told her yes. She said well under the ground there are earthworms, just like the ones we got for fishing. Those kind of worms aren’t for fishing. Those kinds of worms make things grow, without them, there would be no flowers or grass, or trees. The only reason they were put here was to be in the earth now why would you want to hurt something like that. I don’t remember if I cried, but I felt bad. She didn’t fuss at me, she did ask for her matches back though.
So I think about this lesson she taught me a long time ago. A lesson we can use not only in nature but also in our lives. There are always invisible forces at work. There is the silent and unseen work. When I say work it could be a prayer someone is praying about you and you don’t even know it. There is the own work of our own spiritual lives. Something keeps telling me to be still, go back to meditating like you used too, but I havn’t let myself be still as much as I used too.
I believe in our lives, like Nana’s lesson to a young Derek, as well as in our world, like something small as an earthworm or as large as humankind, there is always so much more than meets the eye.

Way Back Wednesday

2006-09-12T18:34:00.000-07:00

Yesterday in 1777, the Stars and Stripes was flown for the first time by Washington in the Battle of Brandywine, PA in the Revolutionary war. My ancestor, Otey Prosser (my great great grandmother Emma Middleton Haygood's great grandfather) fought in that battle. The Marquis daLayfatette was injured in that battle and follwing the battle, returned to France to recuperate. This is from the History of Milledgeville:Gala holidays other than the Fourth of July were also celebrated. Among the earliest of these was that scheduled in 1825 for the visit to the capital by General Lafayette, who arrived on Sunday, March 27. A procession headed by Governor Troup met the general's entourage on the east bank of the Oconee, and the two dignitaries road into town in a barouche drawn by four bay horses. Citizens who lined the road all the way from the river to Government House proclaimed his welcome amid the firing of cannon and the peal of church bells. Twenty-six veterans of the Revolution lined the walkway leading from Greene Street to the fron door of Government House. One of these, the ubiquitous Otey Prosser, was recognized by the general who took him by the shoulders and gave him a Latin embrace. For a brief moment Prosser was the most distinguished citizen of Georgia. Another saved note:The Fourth of July was celebrated with all the splendor the frontier community could muster. Always present at these early ocassions and occupying the head table were the Revolutionary War veterans. Among these was veteran Otey Prosser, who may have ben the first of the town's professional flag-wavers. He was often seen walking back and forth, and weeping as he reminisced about the war. As the story was passed down, when the General De Lafayette was injured in the leg Prosser helped him off the field. But this is what was just passed down. I often wonder what that Latin embrace was for?

Questions to Ma

2006-09-12T15:40:00.000-07:00

I forgot to post my question to my mom from last Friday. Here they are:

Question 1
Are there certain scriptures or other writings that you repeatedely turn to for inspiration or guidance?
“Judge not, that ye be not judged. For with what judgment ye judge, ye shall be judged: and with what measure ye mete, it shall be measured to you again.
Matthew 7:1

Question 2

Describe an unforgettable experience during your time of living as a single woman in Jacksonville
My most unforgettable experience of living in Jacksonville when I was first arriving in Jacksonville, Florida on the Greyhound bus. I had never been away from home and this was the first time I had ever gone to a big city by myself. Can you imagine how scared I was? I knew that Eunice Lestlie's husband Johnny Horton was to meet me at the bus station but I was scared there waw a mix up. When I got off the bus he was there. I can remember straining to look at the city when we were getting close to it.

My next most unforgettable experience was when I learned how to ride my bicycle in Jacksonville, Florida. I guess that was the most fun thing that I did when I lived in Jacksonville. I was such a dreamer. I used to ride by the river where all the big homes were and dream about meeting my husband. I guess I thought he was going to come out of his house and fall in love with me. I have told you many times about how when Carolyn and I rode our bicycles, I could not turn the curve and I would wind up in some people's shrubbery. Lots of times, he would have his water sprinkler on. Sometimes they were at their door to watch me. I was so young, healthy, and carefree.

Probably the biggest problem I had was getting my laundry to the washateria. I have many happy memories of living in Jacksonville.

The picture of her with the rollers in her hair was her in her bedroom in Jacksonville. I always loved this picture even when I was a little boy it would make me laugh.

9/11 A life Remembered Donna Wilson

2006-09-11T12:34:00.000-07:00

Two thousand one, nine eleven
Three thousand plus arrive in heaven
As they pass through the gate,
Thousands more appear in wait A bearded man with stovepipe hat Steps forward saying, "Lets sit, lets chat"
They settle down in seats of clouds
A man named Martin shouts out proud
"I have a dream!" and once he did
The Newcomer said, "Your dream still lives."
Groups of soldiers in blue and gray
Others in khaki, and green then say
"We're from Bull Run, Yorktown, the Maine"
The Newcomer said,
"You died not in vain." From a man on sticks one could hear
"The only thing we have to fear.
The Newcomer said, "We know the rest,
Trust us sir, we've passed that test."
"Courage doesn't hide in caves You can't bury freedom, in a grave,"
The Newcomers had heard this voice before
A distinct Yankees twang from Hyannisport shores
A silence fell within the mist
Somehow the Newcomer knew that this Meant time had come for her to say
What was in the hearts of the five thousand plus that day"
Back on Earth, we wrote reports,Watched our children play in sports
Worked our gardens, sang our songs
Went to church and clipped coupons
We smiled, we laughed, we cried, we fought
Unlike you, great we're not"
The tall man in the stovepipe hat
Stood and said, "Don't talk like that!
Look at your country, look and see
You died for freedom, just like me"
Then, before them all appeared a scene
Of rubbled streets and twisted beams
Death, destruction, smoke and dust
And people working just 'cause they must
Hauling ash, lifting stones,
Knee deep in hell, but not alone"Look! Blackman, Whiteman, Brownman, Yellowman
Side by side helping their fellow man!"So said Martin, as he watched the scene "Even from nightmares, can be born a dream."Down below three firemen raised
The colors high into ashen haze
The soldiers above had seen it before
On Iwo Jima back in '45
The man on sticks studied everything closely
Then shared his perceptions on what he saw mostly
"I see pain, I see tears,I see sorrow -- but I don't see fear."
"You left behind husbands and wives
Daughters and sons and so many lives Are suffering now because of this wrong
But look very closely. You're not really gone.
All of those people, even those who've never met you
All of their lives, they'll never forget you
Don't you see what has happened? Don't you see what you've done?You've brought them together, together as one.
With that the man in the stovepipe hat said
"Take my hand," and from there he led
Three thousand plus heroes, Newcomers to heaven On this day, two thousand one, nine eleven.
Author unknown
One of those led to heaven was
DONNA WILSON-

A Life remembered
As millions of tears still come from our souls from that day. I want to take a moment to remember Donna Wilson of Williston Park, LI, missing in the attack on the World Trade Center on September 11, 2001. An employee of Aon Risk Services on the 102nd floor of tower two. She was a daugter, she was a sister, she was an aunt, and cousin. She had many dear friends, godchildren, and coworkers who loved her and I know miss her. I found this poem on legacy.com posted by one of her friends. You are remembered, and always will be a hero.
This was written about her in remembrance on legacy.com
Staying in TouchIn almost every circle of friends there is someone like Donna Wilson. Ms. Wilson was the person who kept track of co- workers and classmates, passing bits of news and gossip between them. "She was the one who kept us all in touch with each other," said Francine Awad, Ms. Wilson's friend since the two women were freshmen at St. Vincent Ferrer High School in Manhattan. "She was the focal point between people."Co-workers said Ms. Wilson, 48, an assistant vice president at Aon, always tried to make people feel valued and was very diligent. When she fretted over a small discrepancy on a balance sheet, a colleague mailed her a five-dollar bill to make up the difference.Ms. Wilson rose early to get to work, then sped home to Williston Park, in Nassau County, to take care of her 75-year-old mother, Patricia. "Donna was a good worker, she did her job and took care of our mother," said Linda Wilson, her sister. "She made a living, took care of her family and tried to lead a good life."

Do you know?
Oh, I hope you do.
Now in eternal life
Nothing can harm you.
All is well in God’s loving gaze.
All fears fade away.
Now love is all you know
Near souls who came with you not so long ago.
Wish I knew all that you do now
Insights denied to me until I climb
to the heavens somehow.
Let me know in some small way how
Silently, softly I can find peace as I pray.
Oh, my dear little sister, how do I go on
Now that your voice and touch took flight as the towers fell down!
This was a poem put on legacy.com by a friend. Please go here to read the tributes. 2996

Dad's 65th birthday

2006-09-05T19:20:00.000-07:00

My dad's 65th birthday was last week, when we all went to Daytona Beach. It was really nice having us all in that beautiful condo and spending it with him. It was a little stressful at times, not to bad for me. I was just in charge of fun and recreation for the kids, so that was easy. I really enjoyed watching everyone. I mainly am trying my best to spend every moment with the kids, making them remember Uncle Derek because he's not down in Georgia like everyone else is. Sherry stays pretty busy cleaning, and working, much like me when I'm at home. Dena does too, especially having two boys age 2 and 4. Autumn is growing so fast. It was Eli's 4th birthday and Ethan's 2nd birthday as well last week. I got Eli a camera you can see in one of the pictures. Autumn wasn't too happy that Uncle Derek got him a camera and not her one, the camera disappeared after a few hours. A little later I got the feeling that maybe Autumn had hid it. So I asked her, at first she said no, then a little later, with little crocodile tears she said yes I hid the camera. She said I am jealous that you didn't get me one too. So I assured her I would get her one for her birthday if she wants one. She went and got the camera out of hiding and gave it back to him. We had lots of fun in the sun, my head is still peeling.

Daytona Beach Vacation

2006-08-31T09:19:00.000-07:00

Well I'm back from Daytona Beach, daddy's 65th birthday was Monday. So we all went down to Oceanwalk Condo for some fun. The whole family was there, which was fun. I got there Monday around 6:30. So we still had hours of fun left with the kids. We took them swimming, while Dena cooked up some shrimp for Daddy. Autumn, Eli, and Ethan are all love the water and it sure was fun playing with them. We woke up early the next morning, and after breakfast spent a day of fun in the sun, boy did I get cooked, Autumn got a lot on her face like her Uncle Derek. I think Eli and me were the only ones that didn't take a break or a nap that day, The beach and sun really drains you. But we had a blast. Jane cooked up some really good spaghetti that night and we all ate well. The storm was on it's way by Wednesday, so they closed down the pools and outside games,but it didn't stop us as you can see by the picture of Ethan in the storm, I took them down on the beach in the rain and they made sand castles, then we swam in the inside pool, and hit the jacuzzi. I really had fun, the only thing that was a downer was I had too leave shortly after my brother Lance arrived. He had to work Monday and Tuesday, and got down afternoon of Wedensday, and I had too be at work this morning so I had to leave them. I hope they are having a blast and it's clearing up for them. Looks like the storms is blowing over now. More pictures coming later.

Questions to Mom

2006-08-17T20:04:00.000-07:00

Did you milk a cow when you were a little girl?
Describe your childhood bedroom, what was your view from your windows?
Are there any scents or sounds that take you instantly back to childhood?
What is your most treasured possession and why?
1 Ok. I tried to milk a cow but was not very successful at it. One reason being is that I did not like the scent of milk. You know I never drank milk when I was a child. I always gave my milk away when I was in school.
2 and 3. The view from my bedroom window was facing the gardenia bush that Mother had planted outside my window. During the time that it bloomed it smelled so good. That is one thing if I smell now, it immediately takes me back to my childhood. It really makes me think of my Grandfather's home. During the summer I usually slept at the foot of the bed so I could get a whiff of fresh air when it blew. It was so hot without air-conditioning. If I looked out the front window from my bedroom I could see the highway and flowers that were usually in bloom since Mother loved flowers. One sound that takes me back to my childhood is the sound that a whiperwheel makes when he sings or better known as a bob white. I listened to them many times when I was laying on my bed in my room. They always made me feel so sad and lonesome. I think there is a song about the lonesome whiperwheel.
4. These people are not really my possessions but they are my most treasured people. My children and grandchildren and my husband. My most treasued possession that I can think of is the ring that Mother gave me the night before she died Everytime I look at it, I think of her. I also rub it and say her name.

Thanks. Can't you just picture your mama as a little girl curled up on her bed thinking about life. I never knew that I was going to have such lovely children and grandchildren.-----

Babysitting Little Aaron

2006-08-16T20:40:00.000-07:00

Much needed family time

2006-08-14T10:50:00.000-07:00

I was thinking today about how we cannot wait to get out on our own when we are young. It’s just nature taking over…leaving the nest. But I feel the love of family and cannot wait to get back to gather with them. I went home to Georgia this weekend for a much needed family reunion. It was my mom’s family reunion. But in a way it was a good one for all of us as well. Friday I spent time with my sister’s. It felt like old times. I was driving them around town, the old chauffeur. Saturday we spent most of the day over at my brother’s new house, which I just loved. He can do so much with it, and I know he’s going to love it. We were all together again. With a few extra cousins here and there. We had two pans of lasagna, fried mushrooms, and I had a few corona’s. We even had a dance off in the living room-(dance floor). The kids really enjoyed it too. Especially Autumn. She’s so proud of her little Tinkerbell room there. Then we had the big family reunion on Sunday with so much food. After that I went to see the boys and took them swimming at daddy’s. They just loved it. Eli with his remote control boat I got him, and Ethan having fun with me in the pool. He loved jumping in the pool to me and me throwing him in the air in his float. We are always building such great memories. I’m truly blessed. I cherish my family and our relationship. I think it’s memories like these that can get me through the tough times.

Got Milk

2006-08-07T19:16:00.000-07:00

Saturday I went over to take pictures of Tiffany's new little baby Jacob Issac, he's just the cutest little baby. I think taking pictures of babies is my favorite thing. He's only a month old and has a head full of black hair, that grows straight up in the air. Autumn and Eli started school last Friday. Autumn in First grade, and Eli started playschool. Ethan will be two and Eli will be four the end of the month. Too wild! Time flies. I'm going home this weekend, so looking forward to seeing everyone.

Questions to mom

2006-08-04T06:05:00.000-07:00

Before you married daddy and was just a single girl, before you even met him, what were your dreams for the future? I can just picture that pretty little black haired girl out on the farm dreaming. Did you read as much back then as you do now. What was your favorite book that you remember?
I always wanted to be an artist. My librarian at high school encouraged me to go to school to study drawing. I loved to go into a little special nook in the woods and dream about my future. It was between nana's house and where Jimmy lives now. the woods were real thick at that time. I read a lot more then. I always checked out four or five books to read most week-ends. My favorite book that I read when I was small was Annie Oakley and after I got in High School was Peyton Place. I guess because I learned a lot about the birds and the bees in that book.
If you could have one super power what would it be?
I know I would choose to fly. I think that is why I am so facinated with birds, especially hummingbirds. I can just imagine how it would feel to be able to soar above the earth and look down at everything.

I'll post some pictures tonight of some of her art from when she was a girl. She should be on project runway with her design's.

Mom emailed me this today also, it's something I wrote the day before her birthday on Sept 23, 2002

Mama,
You were in my thoughts and even my dreams last night. I awoke and decided to work on a poem because the dream was so beautiful, so beautiful I almost started crying as I visualize it. Right now it’s about 3:00 in the morning. So hopefully I won’t fall asleep. In the dream I saw you throwing these egglike stones in the Ocean. The stones were your dreams for you children, at first I didn’t realize it, I just saw you sitting there on the rocks as the surf crashed into the rocks you were sitting on. But as I watched you, I realized I was watching you over a period of time, I saw you in different lights and seasons, at first a very young woman, then growing older. But one thing stayed constant as you threw the stones in the water, the look in your eyes stayed the same, I saw the love in them as you kept throwing the stones, that’s when I realized each stone was a dream for us, and throughout your lifetime you've continued dreaming for us. I keep thinking how beautiful you looked sitting on those rocks by the surf, the waves crashing, there's a little splash on your face. I saw in so many lights, seasons, as the sunrises, day, sunset, and night. I even felt the seasons as I watched, sometimes warm as the sun shone, sometimes cold at night. But there you sat through it all.

Mama Throwing Her Dreams into the Ocean

Mama casts her dreams into the Ocean; We, the words and dreams sent bobbing towards the sunrise, The eggs of stone, a fragment of prophesy. Because she must conclude her melody and fall back to the sweet hush of One, A mother cast her dreams into the Ocean, Hoping to cross that wild infinity and on some infant shore again to run, The Eggs of stone, the pieces of prophecy outside the fiery circle of memory. The howling surf, the continuing years undone…A mother cast her dreams into the Ocean, and then dissolved into a tapestry, Her rolling drift again begun, The eggs of stone, the pieces of prophesy afloat once more upon eternity, once more the alien fury, never done…Again, again, dreams into the sea, The eggs of stone, the continual fragments of prophesy.

Don't forget the armor

2006-07-31T08:48:00.000-07:00

I’ve never really mentioned much my love for theatre. I acted in community theatre since I was about six all the way up till I was around 26. I loved it. I grew up in a small rural area of South Georgia. When I started college my acting coach was one of Meryl Streep’s acting coach’s. He even had a picture of her in his office when she was really young. I wouldn’t say I was a great actor. I was a nervous actor though. Every night before the curtain’s opened I was a wreck, no matter what I just couldn’t kick the jitters. But then the curtains would open and I would perform. I loved it after the curtains opened. I’m not really sure why I quit something I loved so much. I quit after I moved here to Jacksonville, Florida. I have never even checked into any theatre although there are many. I really have to get back into it. I guess when I moved here I just didn’t feel I had the time. I wouldn’t say I’m a wonderful actor, it’s been over 10 years since I’ve even acted. But it would be interesting to audition.
The first big production I remember seeing was Andrew Lloyd Webber’s musical “The Phantom of the Opera”. Where a young chorus girl named Christine Daae received voice training from a mysterious musician she calls the “Angel of Music.” Well I’m sure many of you know the story. As the plot thickens we all find out the mysterious mentor is really a demented man who wants to carry her away into a bizarre underworld beneath the opera house. He’s evil masquerading as good.
Writing about this makes me think of our realationship with Christ, and all we face. I leave in the morning hoping I have enough armor on myself. I know God made it just for me. It was made for you too.

Advice from Mama

2006-07-21T17:28:00.000-07:00

Well since my back has been out I havn't asked mom any more questions, but when I got back to work today, she had left this, which was from the question the last time I asked. More questions to ma will be coming back soon.

MY BIGGEST ADVICE I WOULD GIVE TO ALL OF YOU IS TO ENJOY YOUR LIFE TO THE FULLEST AS IT IS AT THIS VERY MOMENT. APPRECIATE YOUR HEALTH, YOUR MIND, YOUR BODY, THE WAY YOU LOOK TO THE FULLEST EXTENT. I WAS NEVER SATISFIED WITH THE WAY GOD MADE ME, BUT NOW THAT I AM SIXTY I REALIZE THAT AT THE TIME I SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE HAPPIEST, I WAS ALWAYS WISHING FOR PERFECTION AND THAT IS NEVER TO BE. NOW I APPRECIATE EVERYTHING BECAUSE I KNOW THAT AT THE MOST I CAN ONLY EXPECT TWENTY GOOD YEARS LEFT. I JUST HOPE THAT I CAN LAST THAT LONG. NOW I WANT TO SEE MY GRANDCHILDREN 'S CHILDREN. I HOPE YOUR DREAM DOES COME TRUE. I JUST WANT ALL OF YOU TO BE HEALTHY AND HAPPY AND ABLE TO PAY YOUR BILLS. ANOTHER LITTLE BIT OF ADVICE IS TO LOVE YOUR FAMILY AND LOVED ONES AS IF IT IS YOUR LAST MOMENT. ANOTHER LITTLE PIECE OF ADVICE IS TO REALIZE HOW IMPORTANT OUR ATTITUDE ALWAYS IS. THAT IS ONE THING WE WAKE UP WITH AND GO TO BED WITH. IT EFFECTS OUR WHOLE DAY. LOVE, MAMA
I like this picture cause it's the only one I have of us when she had braces.

Here, there, and Everywhere

2006-07-21T16:48:00.000-07:00

I'm looking here and there and everywhere. Sometimes I sit and think about my problems and my pain, yes I’m still having some backpain, and anyone that has had it can sympathize I’m sure. But I don’t want to let the pain take over, and it’s not pain 100% of the time. I actually started back to work today, my first day back, was kind of rough, but I made it. How often do I sit and think about what is the crisis of the day. Turn on the news. It’s terrorism and it’s random threats. Or look around me at the people they are laying off, the economy and the fear that we will run out of money before we run out of time. We all have bad things that happen or may be happening, I know I've been complaining about my back a lot, I got an response on my entry for prayers because of my back from someone that would pray for me, because she knew about pain and had been out on disability for the last year and a half. Everyone feels pain from time to time, some excruciating, some just the pains of every day. Sometimes fear can do some terrible things to us, I’m not saying some things aren’t just physical but I think much is in the mind. My mom used to read these books I remember as a teenager, and every now and then I would grab one after she finished not asking, I figured if it’s good enough for her, that I should be able to read it too. Most of the times I was ok, unless it was some big romance novel, I didn’t care for those. But this one was really good. It was about a lady who went through great sadness, pain, and heartache with grace. Grace, something I wished for my many “plantings of grace”. This woman I read about was Corrie ten Boom who lived through the horror of lifein a Nazi concentration camp- a place where hope was lost for most people. This book grabbed my attention first because “The Diary of Anne Frank” was one of the first books that really moved me. So I thought this one would too. Unlike Anne Frank Corrie Ten Boom survived to tell her story of unfaltering faith and tight fisted hope in God, she even somehow got a Bible in with her even though they stripped her of every cloth. She saw the face of evil up close and personal. From her writings I know she saw so much pain and inhumane acts man can do to man. And when she came out of it all, she said this: “If you look at the world, you’ll be distressed. If you look within, you’ll be depressed. But if you look at Christ, you’ll be at rest.” I write this and goosebumps come up over me. I ask myself lately where am I looking for my answers? Am I focusing on what’s wrong and what I can’t control. Am I looking inward, hoping I can find my own answers through trial and error. Or am I truly looking where Corrie says it so well, where I will find rest. Keep me in your prayers as I keep all of you in mine, everyone in blogland, and all over. In love and light. Peace out!

Three of Faith

2006-07-16T08:21:00.000-07:00

O.k. I've been praying for deliverence from all my problems, most of them self inflicted, but some being a end to the backpain and some being financial. I wrote about my Sunday school teacher of almost 30 something years ago. After I wrote her name I started thinking about her and her Sunday School classes. The old country church I went to was small, and for my age group there weren't any other kids my age. So I was the only one in Mrs. Martin's class. Mrs Martin was a classy lady with bright red hair like my Nana. She was soft spoken and if you got to loud she would say "you don't run or get loud in God's house". I was crazy about her and looked forward to each one of my classes with her. We started with a prayer, then she would have our lessons, usually she would bring in a pictures from the bible, those old famous paintings, and she would tell me the story. Then I would draw after that, and end with snacktime. One of the pictures I still remember after all these years and thinking about my old Sunday School classes was of three young men standing in fire with angels behind them. The three young men were Shadrach, Meshach, and Abednego, not sure if that's spelled correct. As a child of 5 or 6 this picture scared me but the story I liked, and I'm sure I had plenty of questions for Mrs. Martin after she told it. Anyway this story now reminds me of much that I'm going through. In the lesson if I remember it correctly it was "to love God in spite of our circumstances." Loving God is easy when He grants our requests and provides what we desire. Loving Him in difficult times tests our faith. Those three men made a life and death decision, to worship the golden image, they could live, if they refused, death. These men were full of faith. Is God able to deliver us from all our problems? Yes I think so, Does God always deliver us from our difficulties? No. I guess we may not fully comprehend His purpose in our difficult times, but we must contiue loving HIM. We must trust HIM and hope in HIM in spite of the trials that seem to be overwhelming us at times. I remember when I was a little boy when I said my prayers at night, I would ask for faith. Not sure when I stopped praying that prayer, but I think I need to start again.

Visit to my therapist

2006-07-13T12:00:00.000-07:00

Well today I had my therapist appointment at noon. At first I had thought about canceling it, it's been a couple months since I've had an appointment. But I was so glad I went. I'm feeling much better. Walking in her office I was happy to see she still had the drawing I did for her up. It was one I drew during my healing in my life. So it felt good to see it, I even took a picture of it, since I had never made a copy of it. We talked about life and philosophy, family, friends, church, relationships. Much. I think back at all I've worked through, and guess I still work through from day today. I've come a long way baby, and guess I still have a long way to go. I hope so anyway. The back is starting to get much better, and I'm on my way back to a little normalcy soon, I'm just sure of it. Anyway hope everyone is well. I have been having a time getting into my blog lately. Not sure what exactly is going on with it. Hopefully it's just a little blogger thing, not sure.

More of Aaron

2006-07-08T07:39:00.000-07:00

Well my back has been out all week and last night was my first outing in an entire week, Aaron's grandma came to visit from New Mexico so she made us a wonderful authentic New Mexico dish, it was wonderful, flat enchiladas with the eggs even cooked on top. I was in much pain most of the night, but seeing Aaron's little face made me feel good, I even took these shots of him dressed up in some little sweater someone had made for him, they wanted some pictures of him in in. He's really starting to like his picture taken too I think.

More Aaron pictures

2006-07-01T12:07:00.000-07:00

Aaron and new buddy Nathan at church

2006-06-30T05:33:00.000-07:00

Questions to Mom

2006-06-29T14:03:00.000-07:00

1. What would you most like Autumn, Eli, and Ethan, and any other grandchildren that may come along the way to know and to remember about their Nana.
I would like for them to remember how much I love them and how proud of them I am. I would like for them to always remember me. Eli was very concerned about his Nana riding the bicyle. He kept warning me about traffic on the road. He would say, Watch out for the cars, Nana. I would also like for them to remember how they kept me feeling young. Now I wonder if all of your grandparents felt the same way.
2. What advice would you like to give us and them about life?
I would like to advise them to take their time about growing up. It seems like we all get here and just can't wait to grow up, never realizing that we are at the best time when we are children. I would also like to advise them that anything is possible. They just have to want it enough. I looked around at the beautiful homes at Lake Blackshear and thought about the people who lives in the homes and realized they were just normal people like us, somewhere along the line they went after their dreams and got them. One house that has been in the process of being built was started eight years ago. They work a little on it all the time. It is just beautiful.
All of this goes for you all too. You are still young enough to fulfill all of your dreams. I would like for you to own a home on the beach. Your daddy and I used to drive along the beach and wish that we could buy a house there. Wish we could have. Back then they were not too expensive.
LOVE, MAMA

That's funny wasn't I just talking about creating my own reality, funny how I see a movie like I did earlier this week now it keeps coming out in all directions.

Way Back Wednesday

2006-06-28T18:35:00.000-07:00

This is my great great great grandparents Joel Lott and Obedience (Beady) Vickers Lott. He was the son of Daniel Lott and Lucinda Peterson, she was the daughter of Jesse Vickers and Rebeccah Paulk Vickers, I think I've written about her before on a wayback Wednesday. This is two of my oldest pictures I think I have, one more that is older I have of Beady's mother. I think I only have maybe one or two a little older than these. More on them later, just wanted to get them posted, I've been forgetting about my Wayback Wednesday so thought if I posted something, I'd write on them later.

You know who I miss bunches and bunches and bunches

2006-06-27T13:42:00.000-07:00

She's quite the shopper and a handfull, I told her to stay out of the fountain, and two seconds later she was right in the middle of it.

Quote from Hawthorne

2006-06-27T06:16:00.000-07:00

"No man, for any considerable period of time, can wear one face to himself and another to the multitude without finally getting bewildered as to which may be the truth."
----Nathanial Hawthorne

Do you ever confuse the truth about yourself with a facade? I keep telling myself I have what it takes. I want a deeper knowing though, there is knowledge about and knowledge of, when it comes to the two I think it is the latter we need more of. Sound to me I'm still trying hard to find the real me. I know I'm here. I was thinking the other day, how close to the real me is this journal, I think if some people who read my journal that really know me, may be surprised I have all this in me, I've got diffrent sides to me. Usually I'm a pretty quiet person, but there is always something going through this big taterhead of mine. Mostly I'm thinking of who I am, and where do I go with this question, well I write in my journal, I pray. I know my true name can never be taken away fom me. There is something very deep in my heart. I know where I've come from, I like to say I know where I'm going, but that's not all together true. I'm still being tested every day, I'm not that crazy about tests either. I know I have to face my Enemy. Wow where is this coming from, kind of scares me again. Am I still becoming a man? I wrote this a while back, I go back and read it today, and realize I'm still asking myself the same question.

2006-06-25T19:29:00.000-07:00

Friday Mike and I went over to our friend's Valerie and Rochelle's and saw the movie "What the Bleep Down the Rabbit Hole, check it out on www.whatthebleep.com and got to visit with little Aaron, boy is he growing up fast.

Before I saw this movie it seems I have been visiting the past a lot. Just wanted to say I'm much better today, as I said I was visiting some old wounds, just wanted to share after my entry, I started visiting other blogs and I writer of this one http://citymuse.blogspot.com/, asked me a long time ago would you erase painful memories if you could. Sometimes I think we go exactly where we are supposed too. This question seemed to go with much of what I got from this movie, along with a book I've been reading. I wouldn't erase any of my memories, bad or good, they make me who I am today. Vav Hey Vav, it's the transliteration of one of the Names of God, in the book I'm reading. It means time travel. I was reading it months ago, today I picked it up again, with what I was going through yesterday. I opened up to this page today, it said " When we want to undo past "crimes" in order to banish their painful effects from our lives and the lives of others, this name provides us with an ingenious time travel device. Forget the Dramamine, this flight happens on a soul level. Are you ready? Fasten Your seatbelt? I was thinking yeah I'm ready. I was ready yesterday. Quantam Physics has always intrigued me. I remember as a young boy dreaming of a time machine. Well here it is, and I've had it all along. I was just going back in time it seems last night, thinking about past wounds, waking up remose for some of my past actions. Maybe by revisiting these places I can transform my past, reshape the now, and have plenty of joy and fulfillment in the future. Well let's all fasten our seat belts. I'm still sitting with all the feelings from this movie and the book I'm reading as well. Well the weekend is almost over, and a new day begins. How will you create you new day?

Questions to Mom

2006-06-23T13:27:00.000-07:00

These were a little harder, I told her to think hard. She's not quite through so I'll add on later.

1. What do you recall being the most enjoyable times of you life?
My most enjoyable times of my life were when I was creating my family. I always loved being a new Mother. I enjoyed everything about becoming a Mother. I just loved the smell of a little baby and most things associated with them. I enjoyed the closeness of my children. I loved each one of you from the moment that I saw you. I thought you each one were the most beautiful babies I had ever seen.
I always enjoyed going on vacations with you all. It was so much fun to see your joy the first time that you experienced life. I have always enjoyed being a Mother and creating a home life for my family. I enjoyed being a stay at home Mother so much. More later What were the most difficult?
Of the most difficult years of my life were probably when my children were going through their teen age years. It was hard. I always worried everytime each one of you left the house. It was so difficult giving you each one your wings when you left home. It was also difficult when each one of you learned how to drive. I spent many sleepless nights waiting for each of you to come back home. It was always such a relief when I knew that you all were back home.

It was also very difficult when your daddy and I were in the process of divorce. Not only financially but also mentally.
I'll continue later about that.
2. What do you hope we most appreciate about you? Out of my whole life the only thing that I really feel I was great at accomplishing was birthing and having the honor of raising my children. I always asked God to give me enough time to raise all of you. I never wanted anyone else to do it.My greatest anticipation in life was just waiting for the birth of each of you and waiting to see what each of you would be successful at. You have each reached more than my expectations, but I still want one of you to be great artist or author.
3. What do you most appreciate about Derek? and Sherry?, and Dena?, and Lance?
What do I most appreciate about you, well let me think. One thing that I appreciate about each of you is the goodness of your hearts. Each one of you are good hearted and are never ashamed to show me how much you love me. I appreciate the joy in your eyes when you see me and the love that you always show me. You have never been afraid to share your thoughts with me. I appreciate every moment that I get to spend with you. It is getting late so I will continue later. Love, yo mama

Working at the Hunan House

2006-06-22T09:13:00.000-07:00

When I was in college, I worked in a Chinese restaurant for extra money. I really enjoyed it. It was fun, I worked with my ex girlfriend, her mother was the hostess, and my old friend Allien, my first roomate in college also worked with me. I started thinking about that time, and some of the fun, and I thought of a funny story that happend, and it was pretty close straight out of a sitcom. It was Sunday, and on that day we always looked forward to our big Sunday crowds after church. The restaurant would fill all at once, and for the next few hours we would run our butts off. On this particular day it was my day to make the tea, I made two huge rubmaid containers of it, and poured in our tea urns. Once again we were ready for the rush. As always they came in swarms in the Sunday best, everyone ordereing sweet tea. It seemed to happen all at once. With a full house, all of a sudden people were spitting their tea out of their mouths, spraying their wives, spraying whoever was walking past, it was a giant teaspurting contest. This was no dream this was real. The boss who is usually walking around talking runs to the back, and asks Derek what is wrong with the sweet tea. I said I don't know I made it like I always do. He made me show him how I made it, well my first mistake was, using MSG instead of Sugar, they kept the sugar and the msg right beside each other in exact colored gray rubmaid bins. Sugar and MSG have very much the same consistancy. I almost never lived that one down. Every Sunday, they would ask, who made the tea this week, and I would laugh. I wish you could of been there to see it.

2006-06-18T06:46:00.000-07:00

A couple of years ago I had taken all my mom and dad's old movies and made a vcr tape of them. They were tapes dating back to when my dad was in high school all the way till I was around 8 or nine. My grandfather had an old video recorder, he passed it on to my dad, and now I have it, it doesn't work though, but I still have it as a reminder. Most of these old films I may have seen when I was younger but not as an adult. I saw these films of me as a baby and as a toddler. Sometime I guess in my teens I built up a resentment for my father. I had issues. Many I never discussed with him and kept them to myself, I had even at one time convinced myself that my dad didn't even love me. Then I watched these video's of a man with so much love in his eyes, so many dreams. He had this baby in his arms. He held him up and smiled like I've never remembered my dad smile. He laid in the bed with this baby, this little part of him and everything seemed to be alright in the world. I remember that first time watching it as an adult and I cried and cried hard. Because there was no doubt in my mind that he loved me. Forget all the things that I thought he'd done wrong in rasing me. Being to hard on me, feeling he didn't love me for me. He did! It was right there on film and I had told myself something else. I'd convinced myself that wasn't true. He did and he still does. I love him too! Life changes, and changes you. He is a good man! I got many wonderful things from him. He did have a big heart, even though he tried to hide it. I'm a dreamer much like he was or maybe still is. I miss many parts of him because I feel like I don't know him as well as I'd like too. I know him much as I did as a child, but as an adult there is still much to learn, about myself and him as well. We all love him very much. Sherry, Dena, Lance, and I. We love you! Happy Father's Day.

Questions to Mom

2006-06-16T08:21:00.000-07:00

1. What was your earliest vivid memory?
A early vivid memory was of my Mother rocking Tommy in front of the fire place when he had an ear-ache. He was just a baby, so I would have been about 4. I slept in the same bed with Mother. I can remember the fire burning and Tommy crying and her trying to soothe him. He was sick a lot.
2. Do you have a favorite story that people in your family always told about you? What was the story?

the favorite story that everyone told about me was the one where my brothers tied cans under my bed and how scared I was. They knew I was scared to sleep my myself at night anyway. That was always a good one to tell about me. Can you imagine how frightened I was. I just knew for sure something was going to get me anyway. Everytime they would pull it I would lay there and think if it moves again I will scream for Mother. After about three times, I took off running and screaming. The joke got turned on them real quickly though.

A dream, the picture is in my mind

2006-06-15T05:52:00.000-07:00

I had the most beautiful dream two nights ago. I read http://myphotographiclife.blogspot.com/ last night, and it all seemed to fit, what I was feeling, and many others have been expressing as well. In the dream there was a big beautiful tree and under it sat my mom, her hair still dark, but had a streak of white just to show what color it really was. Under the tree was a whole lot of people. I didn't even know who they all were, then I looked around, and I saw a woman with these beautiful blue eyes and two little boys with those same eyes. It was Autumn, I looked around and then I saw Eli, with a pretty black haired little girl on his shoulders, and Ethan smiling big and sitting by his mama Dena who also had a little bit of grey in her hair. Sherry was running around fixing plates for all these little children, I have no idea who they were, they were all our family, but I didn't really know who they were. The wind blew and children played in the meadow, and you just looked out at them and smiled, then a little brown eyed boy came up and gave my mom a flower, and said "Here Nana"

Picture of Pepa with us at a family reunion

2006-06-09T08:55:00.000-07:00

I went searching through my pictures to see if I had any with Pepa and me. I have one more but I havn't found it yet. But this one is of us at a family reunion. Boy did I look young in this one.
We had the best time at our family reunions, lots and lots of wonderful food. Then we wondered the graveyard, and Pepa would show us his parents, and grandparents, and his great granparents, and even his great great grandparents burial plots, and memories he had of them.

Memories of Disney

2006-06-07T18:57:00.000-07:00

Well since we went to disney this past week, thought I'd dig up some old memories and write about them.

Look, it's that famous animator and his notable cartoon rodent, pointing us all forward to this entry.

Ok, I've had quite a few experiences in Disney, first I'll tell you two on me. Back in my first year in college, I was in the show choir for Abraham Baldwin College, we sang at quite a few places, I even sang at The Crystal Pistol in Six Flags, but my first year we sang at Walt Disney for a week, we even opened up for "The Indigo Girls", but on our first day singing, we wore tux pants, a white shirts, sparkly red ties and cumberbuns. By mistake I grabbed one of the band's pants instead of mine. Well getting dressed I realized they weren't mine, and the guy who played the sax must have had two pair of pants or mine, because he was already out there playing. So I put on the tightest pair of tux pants you've ever saw. I left them unbuttoned, and put my cumberbun over the top part so you couldn't tell I had them unbuttoned. Everyone was trying to tell me it wasn't that noticeable, but I had eyes and could hardly breath. I had one solo that I was supposed to go down on one knee and sing. I can't remember the name of the song, I think it is called "Na Na Na Na Goodbye". Anyway I got down on my knees on the "He'll never love you the way that I loved you, cause if he did he wouldn't say goodbye" Do wa do. Well, the girl I was singing too was laughing hard because when I went down on my knees, my pants spllit right into, and not a little bit, the whole front crotch was split. I know everone was laughing, and the crowd seemed to get larger and larger. We sang like 4 more songs, while I felt like a castaway from some island. We didn't only sing, the whole thing was choregraphed, so just imagine doing all these moves singing with a microphone with your underwear showing, luckily I was wear black underwear. But I still remember all those teenage girls pointing at my privates.
Well that's my story, My father's amusing story at Disney World was a little worse. And I used to get spankings all the time for telling it when I was little. When I was about 12 my dad took us all to Disney on my birthday, well all of sudden we lost him, and lost him for hours. Then about 3-4 hours later he showed up wearing a change of clothes. My mom was all worried, she came up too him and he whispered something too her, and my mother screamed with laughter. My father however didn't seemed amused. We didn't stay there much longer that day. Back in the car my mom couldn't quit laughing and she blurted out what he had done. I'm sure you've all seen that commercial. "Gotta Go, Gotta Go, Gotta Go right now!" Well that happened to my dad, but when he finally found a bathroom, he couldn't undo his belt. And the unevitable thing happened. Yep he messed up his pants. The bad thing he said was he had on a long shirt and he thought after he cleaned up as good as he could, he would just walk with his shirt over his pants and no one could tell. He would walk back to the car and change clothes. Well he actually ran into some people from our hometown and had to talk for a few minutes. He finally made it to the car and in changing clothes he found out that the shirt he thought was camafloging the mess he made was actually covered in *$$## literally. I remember after that I thought this was such a wonderful story to share with people when they came over, but after telling it only once I realized I will never tell this story again. Boy he tore my butt up. I hope I'm too old to get a whippon now. Oh well I don't think he reads this journal anyway.

O.k. since I'm writing about my old experiences. how bout you guys tell me about something, how bout your scariest amusment park ride you've ever been on?

My scariest moment was my friend Jimmy and I when we were about 8 went to an amusement park, I can't remember where but it was the ride where you sit in it and it goes up and down and all around. The only thing holding you in is this bar that goes over your waist, well mid air our bar came open and we couldn't close it, we had to hold onto the back of the seat just to keep from holding our selves in. We both thought we would die, we both were crying and screaming. The guy finallystopped the ride, and to his horror realized what had happened, they had to close the ride after that. But thank goodness we were able to hold on.

Way Back Wedneday

2006-06-07T06:58:00.000-07:00

I've written about all my grandparents for Way Back Wednesday except for my Pepa. I havn't shared a lot about him, because I probably wasn't as close to him as I was the rest of my grandparents. What I have written about him was that he was abusive to my Nana, and too my mother and her brothers when they were younger. But he was never mean to me. He did quit drinking when I was young, and after my grandparents divorced. I never saw the man my mom and grandmother saw. I think the alcohol must have been the root to all evil. My memories of my Pepa were of his sky blue eyes. Autumn's are very much the same color. They were the bluest eyes I'd ever seen. He was very proud of his family and is one of the big reasons I love geneology today. I loved his stories of his grandmother. I didn't spend a great deal of time with my Pepa. I do remember him being very proud of us every year when we all went to his grandparents family reunion. I wish I knew him more, he had a sadness about him, but also a light shining that was just waiting to come out. He would get very tickled when he would tell stories of his family. Almost all his stories were about his family. So in ways I can identify with him very much. I hate that my grandma, mom, and my uncles had some pretty bad memories of him. I try not to judge to much. You know the saying about walking in someone elses shoes before you make judgements, and I have no idea what he went through. Growing up as I said we didn't see him a lot. I don't know what the alcohol days were like, but I know he lost almost everything in his life. He was close to homeless many times. Sometime as a teenager, I remember he moved next to one of my favorite teacher's. And for my project I went to his house and interviewed him. We had fun that day. I always loved his stories. I think if I could go back I would have gotten to know him more, maybe tried to understand. I know he did go to my grandmother a few years before he died, and asked for her forgiveness. I think she told him something like, it wasn't her forgiveness he needed. But she had already forgiven him. He got prostrate cancer and spent his last year in a nursing home. We went to see him and made video tapes of him telling his stories. There are lots of pictures that come to mind, most of them are just flashes. Like he had body odor, one time when we were little he came over to our house, and sat down, my little sister Sherry who was about 5 at the time, went and got some air freshner, and started spraying him with it. I remember for his birthday each year my mom would give him a new shirt, and I was a plunderer, and would walk down to the old tobacco barn, and in the barn he would put those shirts, never opened, still in their wrappers, and there they would stay never opened. He was a mailman for years, and I remember his car, which was full of newspapers. It was full of them from the bottom to the top. I even went with him once when he delivered them. He was far from tidy. I remember the mess. I also remember his smile. Sometimes I still see it when I see my mom smiling big. Thank you Pepa for bringing my mom into this world, without her I wouldn't be here.

Ask Mama

2006-06-02T07:35:00.000-07:00

I 'm starting a new weekly entry called Ask Mama, and may even start doing some to dad as well. My mom has always said to me, there are so many questions I wish I had asked my mother that I will never know. So once a week I'm going to send her a question about life, or her, or us, or just something in general. Thanks mom! I love you.
Question #1
What kind of day was it the day I was born? (Weather) How were you feeling? Was it hectic, crazy, pretty easy, who was with you and there to greet us after I was born? What did you think the first time you looked at my face? Did you cry? When each of us were born you probably had certain expectations for each of us, have we met those expectations?O.k. I know that's more than one question, but it's a start.

Love you
Derek

Derek
I could write a book about that day. The night before I went to the hospital I was finishing up painting your baby crib. I can remember climbing over and finishing it up. Everything was ready for you to arrive. I had clothes all neatly folded and your room smelled so good. just like a baby. just like i always did for each of you. On the day that you were born, it was very cold. As you know we lived in Atlanta. I was sound asleep when my water broke. I was scared to death. I screamed out that you were coming. Your daddy thought that I meant right then. My doctor Dr. Carter had told me that if anything happened I was to come to the hospital immediately since you were breech. I called the hospital and they told me to come on. The doctor stayed right there at the hospital the last night before you were born. As you know from me telling you about it, it took a long time for you to be born. i DID CRY. I THOUGHT YOU WERETHE MOST BEAUTIFUL CHILD I HAD EVER SEEN. YOU REALLY WERE THE PRETTIEST LITTLE BABY IN THE WORLD. I WAS SCARED TO DEATH THOUGH. I WAS WORRIED ABOUT YOU. I WAS ALSO IN PRETTY BAD SHAPE FOR SEVERAL DAYS. MEMA, PAPA, NANA, DANNY, YOUR DADDY, AND AUNT DAPHANE WERE THERE TO GREET YOU. YOU WILL HAVE TO GET YOUR DADDY TO TELL YOU THE STORY ABOUT HER SHOWING YOUR DADDY YOUR X-RAY BEFORE YOU WERE BORN. THEY HAD TO X-RAY ME BEFORE I HAD YOU SINCE YOU WERE BREECH AND THEY WERE WORRIED THAT I COULD NOT HAVE YOU NORMALLY. YOU HAVE PROBABLY HEARD THE STORY. YOU KNOW WHEN A BABY IS INSIDE THE HEAD LOOKS SO BIG. WHEN HE SAW THE X-RAY, HE THOUGHT THAT YOU HAD A WATER HEAD.
HE DIDN'T TELL ANYONE WHAT HE WAS THINKING. HE WAS SCARED TO DEATH TOO. I LOVE YOU SO MUCH MY SON. YOU ARE SUCH A BLESSING. I AM SO GLAD THAT YOU ARE MY SON.

You have each met most of my expectations. I still expect something great from you. Like a book or becoming famous for your beautiful photographs. You just have an eye for the way a picture will turn out. You can draw, so I guess that helps you to picture how a photo will turn out. They say that beauty is in the eye of the beholder. I guess that you picture the beauty in everyone because your pictures are beautiful. I love you, mama

Got to see Autumn this weekend

2006-05-30T09:09:00.000-07:00

I was very happy to get to see my sister and my niece this weekend. Autumn really helped me keep my mind of my car troubles. I got an estimate and it's going to be $864.00 to get my car fixed. I know it could have been worse if it had been the computer or the transmission, so I think it's lucky that it's just the starter and the distributor. Autumn is just so fun, she is such a happy little girl. We are all blessed to have such a wonderful little child that lights up our life.

Memorial Day

2006-05-29T16:20:00.000-07:00

Just a quick reminder that in all the food and fun and celebrations, it is worth your time to take a moment to remember those for whom Memorial Day is meant: The men and women who have given their lives in service to our country. Over the last year there have been quite a few of them. I honor their sacrifice, and hope you will too. My Uncle Tommy was in the Vietnam War. He passed away from complications to agent orange.

2006-05-25T18:17:00.000-07:00

Yes, I want to grasp what life is really all about. I want to see the "big picture". They always seem to include blessings that are hidden in the obstacles and challenges that confront us. Does anyone remember seeing your first seed as a child. When I was little the first seed I remember was a watermelon seed. When I first saw it I was not sure what to make of it. I was young and my papa showed them to me because we were about to plant a whole bunch of them in the ground. Then I watched as they began to sprout, then the little fruit, that grew and grew. Then there came the day to pick the heavy watermelon from the patch, we brougt it to Mema and Papa's, he put it in the freezer for a short while and said we would eat it later. Then I bit into that wonderful fruit, and inside I saw all these seeds. I immediately put the watermelon down, and Papa wanted to know what was wrong. Well I had swalloled some seeds in my first bite and I told him with my eyes starting to get tears, "that I didn't want a watermelon growing in my stomach". He laughed his hearty laugh, and told me I didn't have to worry about that, but to just spit the seeds out. Seems everyone joked me about watermelon seeds after that. Even my mom told me later that was how you get pregnant. If I eat a white watermelon seed I'll have a little white baby, and if I eat a black watermelon seed I'll have a little black baby. She said she ate a black and white one to have me, that's why I was so dark. The funny things parents will tell children. When I saw the seed I perceived the watermelon. Isn't this how it all works. It's so easy to get stuck in the details of life and to miss the big picture. I know I've been guilty of actions without any regard to their future consequences. I guess seeing the big picture means learning to become the creator of our own fulfillment: to realize that the Light is the source of all joy. and to settle for nothing less! It means grasping the purpose behind a problem and the potential Light that awaits us when we confront our problems.
I really want to see the big picture. I want to see the effect of all my actions. I look back at all the chaos and crisis of my life and I wonder how much were just the effects of some of my actions, If I'm honest I'd say a large number of them. I don't claim to have learned this lesson, but I sure hope I don't have to keep repeating it

2006-05-25T18:13:00.000-07:00

I found this site called the Journal Jar, and thought I'd play along.
http://mirrorjournaljar.blogspot.com/

JOURNAL JAR - QUESTION #1

Describe your first job. What did it pay? What were your duties? What was your Boss like?

My first job getting paid was the summer of 1976, one of the last years my dad helped farm. My job picking tomatoes. Yes it was a hard job, but my cousin J and I had decided to do it, actually my father decided it for me. We carried bags and gently placed the hard green tomatoes in the bags, as they got full we placed them in wood crates. I really don't remember how much the pay was but I do know it was by the pounds of tomatoes you picked. On each box you would put your name, and at the end of the day they would weigh you boxes, and pay you according. I think I made the lowest wage, but then again I was probably the youngest person out there. But that money was a surprise that summer, it was the first time I got paid for working, except for my 1.00 every time I mowed the grass. My boss was my Papa and my dad. Papa was a good boss. Maybe because he loved me so. My dad was a grumpy boss, I remember once he was bent over and my cousin J threw as hard as he could a tomatoe and it hit him right in the ass. He got so mad and turned aroundand slung one and instead of hitting him, it hit me right across the face, leaving me in tears running to Mema's house, that day at lunch my dad got a good thrashing from Mema from the mouth. For some reason that made me feel good, although some off the things coming out of Mema's mouth weren't so pretty. They were words I would get a spanking for if I said them. Actually later I was glad I got hit by the tomatoe, because Mema babied me the whole rest of the day and I got to stay in the cool airconditioned house. This story brings back many memories. Like of the farmer's market. I'll have to make a note to write more on that later.

Sweet little Aaron

2006-05-21T16:19:00.000-07:00

Today Aaron got to stay a few hours after church. He had a good time too. We played on the big quilt with his toys, took him outside, he loves it outside, then it was naptime. I was about ready for a nap myself. We got lots of great pictures.

Celebration of My ExHIStence

Happy First Birthday Gavin

New Year

Happy Birthday Eli and Ethan

Wendy

Gavin Ryder

Happy Birthday Lance

Happy Birthday Mama

Light the Night Walk

Ethan's birthday

Eli's Fifth Birthday in Daytona Beach

Headshots from the weekend

Three growing like Trees

Questions to Mom

We had visitors last night

Still here

Happy Birthday Autumn

Gate River Run

Asher and Jacob

Big brother Aaron, and his little brother and sister

Sleeping Beauties

Beautiful TWINS

Black Abby

Thinking too much again

Memory from my prom

Happenings from Home

Beautiful Sunday Service and Nice dinner

Questions to Mom

Can you believe it's winter time

Way Back Wednesday

Happy New Year

More Christmas Pictures

WE love our Mom

Home to Georgia for Christmas

A visit to Ms. Beaulah

The cutest Christmas Card I've gotten this year

Maggie

Revisiting them again

Happy Birthday to Me

Thanksgiving pictures and More Thanksgiving pictures

More Thanksgiving pictures

Pictures to be added later, I'm at work

Sherri on the River

Grace

Sherri

Happy Birthday Lance

Questions to Mom

Picture taken in by my Nana's when I was a little boy

Happy First Birthday Aaron

and more pictures

Pictures from the weekend

Way Back Wednesday

Man and his nurse

My Prayer Cycle

Questions to Ma

Autumn in Autumn

Lifetime for Women

My comments section

She loves me the most, Happy Birthday Mom

The kids in our church are growing fast

Questions to mom

A lesson from my Nana

Way Back Wednesday

Questions to Ma

9/11 A life Remembered Donna Wilson

Dad's 65th birthday

Daytona Beach Vacation

More questions to Mom

Questions to Mom

Babysitting Little Aaron

Much needed family time

Got Milk

Questions to mom

Don't forget the armor

Advice from Mama

Here, there, and Everywhere

Three of Faith

Visit to my therapist

More of Aaron

More Aaron pictures