Saturday, December 31, 2005
I lay in the bed last night reflecting on the past year. I thought of all the times, the tender times of the heart, I thought of a peaceful mind, which I so long for. Both have something to do with quality, the quality of feeling and reasoning.
Here it is the last day of what has been a trying, sometimes beautiful, sometimes uneasy, joyful, and painful year for me. I look forward to dawn tomorrow and, as the days get longer, to begin to feel my way into newness. It is not strange though it is mysterious that our "New Year" comes at the darkest time in the seasonal cycle. When there is personal darkness, when there is pain to be overcome, when we are forced to renew ourselves against all the odds, the psychic energy required simply to survive has tremoundouse force. I did some self potraits today, I put myself in darkness although, I feel the light coming at sunrise as great as that of a flower pushing up throuch icy ground in spring, so after the overcoming, there is extra enerygy, a flood of energy that can go into creation. This morning I woke up feeling it, knowing it, trusting it.
