Sunday, June 18, 2006
A couple of years ago I had taken all my mom and dad's old movies and made a vcr tape of them. They were tapes dating back to when my dad was in high school all the way till I was around 8 or nine. My grandfather had an old video recorder, he passed it on to my dad, and now I have it, it doesn't work though, but I still have it as a reminder. Most of these old films I may have seen when I was younger but not as an adult. I saw these films of me as a baby and as a toddler. Sometime I guess in my teens I built up a resentment for my father. I had issues. Many I never discussed with him and kept them to myself, I had even at one time convinced myself that my dad didn't even love me. Then I watched these video's of a man with so much love in his eyes, so many dreams. He had this baby in his arms. He held him up and smiled like I've never remembered my dad smile. He laid in the bed with this baby, this little part of him and everything seemed to be alright in the world. I remember that first time watching it as an adult and I cried and cried hard. Because there was no doubt in my mind that he loved me. Forget all the things that I thought he'd done wrong in rasing me. Being to hard on me, feeling he didn't love me for me. He did! It was right there on film and I had told myself something else. I'd convinced myself that wasn't true. He did and he still does. I love him too! Life changes, and changes you. He is a good man! I got many wonderful things from him. He did have a big heart, even though he tried to hide it. I'm a dreamer much like he was or maybe still is. I miss many parts of him because I feel like I don't know him as well as I'd like too. I know him much as I did as a child, but as an adult there is still much to learn, about myself and him as well. We all love him very much. Sherry, Dena, Lance, and I. We love you! Happy Father's Day.
